Page 45 of In What World

“Because to you, I’ve been working since the day I left Garden Meadows. But to most of the world, I appeared out of thin air.”

“If only they could see the way we show up to these alternate realities.” She slides down the lockers to sit beside me. “I was trying to call Lana because I just want to tell someone else about what’s going on. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I still had to try. I think Lana would believe me with the least amount of explanation required. And I just…I want some comfort.” She angles herself in my direction, and her right knee brushes mine. Of all the places she could sit, she choosesright here.

Positioned against the lockers like we are, it feels almost salacious to have this point of contact between us. It’s almost like this is not another reality, but a revision of our past. What if we were nice to each other in high school? What if we greeted each other with curiosity instead of annoyance? Would that have changed anything?

“If I could tell anyone about this, I’d probably tell my assistant, Erik,” I say.

She laughs for a beat, then immediately thinks better of it. “Wait. Do you…not have friends?”

She pauses again, seeming to understand how harsh her question sounds. In the grand scheme of our offenses, it’s not even that bad. And I’m not about to deny that it’s valid.

“You always had a good number of friends in high school,” she continues. “Everyone liked you. Everyone in drama, at least.”

“You didn’t like me,” I say.

She squirms, her mouth hanging open, no words coming out.

“What?” I ask. “Isn’t that true? And you were definitely the one with more friends. Everyone respected you.”

“Respect and friendship are two very different things. I didn’t have any actual friends back then.”

“Well, I have no friends now and you still have everyone’s respect, so you got the better deal,” I say.

“You have everyone’s respect,” she says, oddly insistent. “You got nominated for a Golden Globe. They don’t just hand those out. I, on the other hand, disappointed everyone. My parents. My sister. Dallas. It was like I invited them to watch me run a marathon, and I got disqualified at the fifteenth mile for no specific reason. They all believed in me with their whole hearts, and I still came up short. I failed them. And myself.”

“I don’t think you failed,” I say, meaning it.

“I sure didn’t succeed,” she says. “What about Jaz Sinclair? You two were so close in high school.”

“We were,” I confirm.

“Teacher Priscilla is still best friends with her. She told her Jaz what was going on. We sent that Jaz a picture of us. I didn’t get to stick around long enough to hear what that Jaz thought of it.”

I feel yet another twinge of jealousy for Teacher Priscilla. I thought she had nothing I could ever want. She’s shy and uncommanding and still lives in Garden Meadows. But she got my Marlowe to laugh. And she has Jaz.

WhatwouldJaz think? It pains me that it’s been so long since I’ve really confided in her that I can’t even guess at how she’d respond to a situation as wild as this.

“Whatever Jaz told her, I’m sure it was hilarious and true” is all I can manage.

“Wait.” Marlowe stands, walking to the other side of the hallway to read the nameplate beside the door. “Sorry, I just realized the door didn’t say my name. It says Ms. Downing. That’s not someone I know.” She checks the door next to me. “Still Ms. Yeung.”

I look up, enjoying the strange view of the underside of her chin. Even here, the odd angle is somehow generous. Marlowe has no bad side.

“Is Alice in her classroom right now?” I ask.

“No, it’s dark in there.”

“That’s too bad. I would love to know more about the two of you getting a house.”

Her lips press together so tightly that the skin above them has paled.

“What’s going on there? Does your Alice not want to move in together?” I guess.

“Yes,” she says quickly.

“Yes, she wants to, or yes, she doesn’t?”

“It’s complicated. We actually broke up right before you arrived.”