Page 66 of That Summer Feeling

“First of all, you already came out to me,” she said. “You and Stevie moved your beds together. That’s not something gal pals typically do unless they’re diddling each other. Second, Iloveaccidents. Imagine explaining this picture to your friends.”

“I don’t have any friends anymore,” I admitted to her.

“What the hell am I, then? Some random loser you coaxed into early-morning archery as punishment? Jesus, Garland, have some decorum.”

I stood beside my arrow plunged into the bull’s-eye as Michelle snapped a picture. “You’re definitely my friend. I meant outside of here.”

“What did I just tell you?” she asked.

“That your words are meaningless, pretty much.”

I managed to snag a rare eye roll from her. “I said nothing is definitive. You’re not a friendless hack. Or any of the unkind things you think about yourself. All of that passes. It always does. The best gift you can give yourself is permissionto keep figuring shit out, no matter how messy it is. You can be a different you tomorrow. You can also own the person you are today. You don’t have to hide away because you might one day change.”

I started shaking my head, pretending to empty my ears. I kept going until I forced a smile from Michelle.

“What are you doing?” she finally asked.

“Oh, sorry,” I said. “I was just shaking out any memory of your words so that I didn’t go around quoting you like an elephant loser who valued the wisdom of her friend or something. I’d never be that graceless.”

Michelle smiled. And it was so simple, really, the beauty of it.

I’d made real friends, just like I’d always wanted.

30

The color teams gathered for the last day of competition. What had started as something I dreaded somehow turned into the most important element of my daily camp ritual. Putting on my blue shirt. Sitting with my team. Wondering what the competition was going to be. Reaching deep within me to find the courage to try for the sake of trying.

At eighty points, Blue Team was in a three-way tie with Yellow and Red in the overall rankings. Green trailed behind everyone at sixty. We had not been counted out, despite my first-day efforts to put us as far from victory as possible.

I didn’t see Stevie until we were seated together to hear about the final day’s activity. I put my hand out where she could grab it. She didn’t take hold. There was a charge in the space between our fingers, like we were magnets not yet connected.

“Campers,” Tim started. “I can’t believe this is the last day.”

Tears welled in Tommy’s eyes. “This has been such an incredible experience for us. Thank you for committing to this with everything you’ve got.”

Tim picked up where Tommy left off so his brother could cry in peace. “Growing up, we always felt like camp was our real home. The summer weeks we spent here meant more to us than anything else in our lives. Tommy and I found that as adults, we really missed that summer feeling. We didn’t know if we’d ever be able to replicate it.”

“But we did,” Tommy whispered, trying to interject but unable to say much.

“We really did. Thank you for committing to our silly color games the way you have. It’s turned out even better than we ever could have imagined.”

Tommy pressed his hand over his heart. “We love you all so very much.”

At that, all four color teams got up to smother the twins in the biggest bear hug in existence. They deserved to know what they’d created was so special. Out of their pain, they’d built a safe space for everyone to enjoy.

“Okay! Please get off us now!” Tim shouted from the center of the hug. “It’s so nice that you love us this much, but we can’t be injured before the last game!”

We dispersed, making room for Tim and Tommy to runway walk to their teams, soundtracked by our cheers. When Tommy joined us over at Blue, I rested my head on his shoulder.

The referees took the place of the twins, standing with thesame seriousness they had all week. “Today’s challenge will be the obstacle course,” they announced in unison.

The reveal was met with cheers and gasps and instant back patting, almost everyone saying a version ofI knew it.

Except me.

I hadn’t guessed it. I had not guessed a single thing all week. In fact, if we’d been given a guessing game, I was sure to be the one to lose it all for my team. It should have been obvious. The obstacle course was the biggest element of the camp, shaped like a giant U. Pieces of it had been in the background of every other challenge we’d completed throughout the week.

“Marge is out,” Captain Aja said. “Who else is with her?” She moved her finger between Julianne and me. “The heights part is only at the end, but itdoesneed to be done.”