Page 82 of Love Scenes

“Elise fights a romantic relationship with Calvin because it feels so permanent. The kind of thing that will swallow her whole. She has so many other things to figure out. How to best help her mother as her health declines. How to get them out of this crumblingapartment. What to do about her own dreams of becoming a writer. Of course it’s Calvin urging her toward the solutions. He’s the person she most needs in her corner.”

Anxiety balloons in me, shoving into every open space until it’s hard to breathe. Small sips of water help, so I take them readily.

The interviewer watches, stoic, waiting to ask the next question. “Can you talk a little bit about what it’s been like to work with your family here?”

I sigh, relieved the conversation has shifted away from Joseph and into more comfortable territory.

“Working with my family has been a dream come true. I am so impressed with my sister Tyler’s vision for this film. She and Guy have worked really hard to create an environment that’s safe and exciting. It’s an actor’s dream, really. Guy’s always been known for trying things off-the-cuff. I’ve heard old stories of him picking up a camera, slinging it over his shoulder, and shooting the footage himself. He brings that kind of energy to this set. You feel like you can go for whatever with him around, and he’ll follow you. Tyler balances that really well. She has a patience about her that puts people at ease. And a clear vision for how it all should look and feel. This movie is so warm. That’s all Tyler.”

“And your mother?” the interviewer asks.

“My mother is unbelievable in this movie. She hasn’t acted in so long. People are going to love her work as Vera. Particularly the love story between Vera and Ruth. It’s done with such care. Melanie and Kitty are complete pros. Watching them reminds me why I got into this profession. To get to work with actors of their caliber.”

“Great. Can you talk about it in character terms too?”

“Of course.” I sip my water. “Elise spends so much time trying to save her mother throughout the film that she misses the factthat her mother doesn’t need saving at all. Vera’s disease doesn’t hold her back from having her own desires and finding her own happy ending. While Elise is discovering what she really wants, Vera has already figured it out for herself, and she’s going after it.”

“What about Joseph Donovan? What has it been like to work with him again?”

I take a deep, cleansing breath, then paste on a jovial smile. “Working with Joseph Donovan has been amazing,” I start, finding myself out of words to follow. Everything I want to say feels like a conversational land mine.

The interviewer crosses his legs. “Could you elaborate?”

“Sorry,” I whisper, breaking some kind of fourth wall between the interviewer and me. I take another long sip of water and start again. “Working with Joseph Donovan has been amazing. We’ve had a lot of fun figuring out what makes Elise and Calvin tick. He is a really caring scene partner.” My mouth goes dry. “Sorry,” I say again, in my Real Sloane voice, not my Interview Sloane voice. “One more time.”

“Sure,” says the interviewer, still stoic.

I clear my throat.

Close my eyes.

Take a long breath and start once more.

“Joseph Donovan has pushed me to learn more about my character than I ever would have done alone. And it doesn’t feel like work. It feels like being a kid again. Getting to play. I can so clearly imagine all the places Elise and Calvin have been before the movie starts. I can feel all the beats they’ve lived between the scenes we see on-screen. Because Joe and I have done all that backstory together. We’ve built a fully dimensional world for these people, and shooting this story together has been liketrust-falling from the top of a mountain and knowing he’ll be able to catch me.”

Suddenly I’m breathless.

“I’m really sorry,” I say. “I need a minute.” I take off my mic pack and place it in the interviewer’s lap.

His expression finally changes. Utter bewilderment. I wander away from him, heading toward the soundstage door. No idea where I’m going. Anywhere but here.

My legs start tingling. My throat is constricted.Why is this costume so itchy? How is the sun so bright? Why won’t everything stop?

Suddenly Tyler’s hand is pressing into my back. “Sloane, it’s okay. Take a deep breath.”

“I’m already trying to take a deep breath!”

“Shh. Shh. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

“No it’s fucking not!” Hurling harsh words at her feels vaguely satisfying, releasing the pressure in one way. Building it up elsewhere.

“Let’s sit down in the shade.” Tyler guides me toward a golf cart parked near the stage door. We climb in, and she rubs my back, saying nothing. It’s the first thing to ground me, calling to mind what my mom said about how as a kid I would cry and no one could help me.

Why can’t anyone help me? Why do I never ever let anyone help me?

The tension within me breaks, and I’m crying. Heaving. Snot-filled, sharp, staccato breaths. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess.” I wipe my nose with the back of my hand, grateful for the pressure leaking out of me but feeling more drained than ever.

“Dude. You really are.” Tyler stops my hand from touchingmy costume, instead wrapping it up in her black tank top and wiping it clean. It’s funny enough to make me give her something resembling a smile, which makes her laugh. “You cannot believe how ridiculous you look right now.”