Page 54 of Love Scenes

Someone I needed to kiss when I was excited. When I was upset. When I was tired.

Whenever.

Maybe it’s okay to go headfirst into this, even after all that happened between Kearns and me. Because after the panic subsides, it’s pure exhilaration.

For months, my house has felt like a hollow husk, holding me in hibernation.

Tonight, it feels like a safe place to rest my head, preparing me for an exciting new world.

13

Even on a few hours’ sleep, it’s easy to get out of my car and walk to Joseph’s trailer this morning. Everything is completely different than it was twenty-four hours ago.

I am ready for anything.

Joseph sits out on the steps again. He’s leaned back and looking skyward, worry creasing his forehead. I wonder if he’s run through all the same thoughts I have, or if this is more effortless for him. As easy as the way he walks into any room, hips forward and mouth smiling.

“You’re here.” There’s a waver in his voice, a whisper of vulnerability.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t come? I’m even early.”

“You look nice.”

I look down at my yoga pants and camisole. “Dressed to impress.” A strange quiet follows. “Should we... go inside?”

“Of course.”

Once the door closes behind us, I kiss him instantly. There’s no sense in pretending like I haven’t been waiting for this moment. He holds his breath as our lips meet, barely reacting to the pressure of my touch.

I pull back and start to squirm, grasping for a way to recover. I’ve read it all wrong. Yesterday was a mistake.

Joseph grabs my hand and squeezes. “Give me a minute here, okay? I wanna have a chat about our boundaries.”

“Really?” If I made a list of a thousand ways I imagined this going, there is no scenario where it’s Joseph who’s asking for us to establish ground rules. I would’ve bet my life that in any version of events, he’d be the one encouraging us to roam through the dark, feeling our way toward a destination.

“Well, for one, I’m not sleeping with you for the first time in my trailer.”

“Who said we were gonna sleep together?”

“If we’re being technical, your mam did.”

It’s the perfect tension breaker. My body relaxes against the wall as I melt into laughter. He takes his free hand and props it against the door behind me so he can lean forward, very conscious of how much we’re touching.

After the laughter dies down, something foreign replaces it; an unnamed hurt that starts to bloom in the center of my chest, webbing and weaving through every open vessel, determined to take hold. “So we’re keeping it above the belt and casual around here. Got it,” I say.

“Who said above the belt is casual?” He’s more serious than playful. “I never went below the belt with the lass I fancied all through primary school, and it took me years to get over her. Never even kissed her. We hugged once.” He pretends to be lost in the memory. “Shannon Cleary. Wonder what she’s up to these days.”

“You’re confusing me,” I admit.

He wraps his other arm around me to hold on tight. “All I’m saying is when it comes to you, I’ve done most things wrong. I wanna be sure you’re thinking this through.”

The hurt takes a clearer form. It feels like I can’t be trusted to keep this thing cool. Like I’m the obvious choice to ruin this, considering my history. I buckle down and commit to being more casual than him. “I think we keep it above the belt at work, and we make sure my family doesn’t know, and we’re good. Yeah?”

“If that’s what you want.” His expression is unreadable.

“It is,” I lie. I have no idea what I want.

He licks his lips before he presses them atop mine. There is purpose now. And passion. Almost too much. Too personal for something supposedly casual.