Page 36 of Love Scenes

I shake my head at her.

“This is abig deal,” Haven continues, thankfully oblivious. “This whole thing. I started on Nickelodeon, you know? I thought I wanted to do something more mature like this. But I’m not ready.” She sits cross-legged on the floor, firmly on the stairwell side of things. “I can’t do it.”

“Haven dear, when you’re old like me, you’ll wish you showed a breast or two,” Guy tries. Even Joseph knows this isn’t the way, and he shakes his head as furiously as Tyler and I do.

“Don’t listen to him,” Joseph says.

Haven starts crying into her hands. I take a seat on the floor beside her. Wrap an arm around her and let her cry.

“I booked my first movie a few months after I graduatedcollege,” I start, unsure if this is the right time for this story. Better to try than never know. “It was this horror film calledBecause You Said No.And funny enough, because my mom said no to me getting naked, I agreed to go fully nude for it. Both boobs. Butt. Even crotch. Oh, and covered in blood.”

Haven looks up at me, shocked. “Really?”

“Mm-hmm. And I thought I didn’t care at all. That morning, sitting in the makeup trailer in just a robe, I was totally calm. A body is a body, right? I get to set, and I take off the robe. I’m fully butt naked in front of a small crew of mostly men. And someone comes in with the blood bucket. That’s when I start to feel my breaths turning shorter and shorter, almost hiccups. I’m getting teary and panicky. A stress rash breaks out across my chest. The director notices it and goes, ‘It’s gonna be covered in blood. It’s fine.’ And the blood bucket guy is like, ‘Can I dump this on you?’”

I take a beat, remembering the cold shock of that moment. The reality that no one cared that I was scared. They cared that production would continue. It was go big or go home, and I didn’t want to go home.

“I didn’t think I had a choice,” I tell Haven. “So I shot the scene as I agreed to it. Which at the time I thought was brave. Now I know it was bullshit. They didn’t end up using the full-body shot in the final cut, but you do see my boobs and the top half of my butt. That’s not even the point. The point is that youdohave a choice here. You really do. I’ll make sure of it. And any person on this set that dares try to make you feel bad for being nervous will have to answer to me first. You’re a human being. You’re allowed to be scared. But I’ve got you.”

At least thirty seconds of echoing silence pass, everyone fixated on the girl sobbing beneath my arm. Suddenly, she stops. Stands up and wipes her cheeks with the back of her palm. Straightensout her pajama set and readjusts the lopsided bun on the top of her head.

“Let’s go,” she tells us, completely anew.

No one moves.

“Hurry, before I change my mind!”

We scurry toward the door, tripping over our own feet. We’re out of the apartment complex and nearly sprinting toward our production van. Haven isn’t even wearing shoes. I finally remember to look at mine, and they are in fact two different sneakers: one black, one gray.

Before I climb into the van, Tyler grabs me by the arm. “You always say you loved doing that scene.”

“That’s because it makes Mom mad. And at the end of the day, I don’t mind anymore that I did it. But they were assholes about it on set, without a doubt.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”

I tilt my head toward Haven. “Best thing we can do now is make sure it doesn’t happen to her.”

Haven’s mood seems to lighten with every passing mile. She sits beside me in the first back row, with Tyler, Joseph, and Guy in the far back.

The entire ride, I can feel Joseph’s eyes on me.

Unfortunately, no one bothers to tell my mother about my motivational speech, because as soon as we walk onto set, she pulls Haven into a meeting.

And she fires her.

9

I used to tell people the longest week of my life was right after my mom filed for divorce but my dad didn’t want to leave until he had a new place, so he moved all of his stuff into the living room. For seven whole days we lived in some kind of Alexander Ford pop-up store, walking through stacks of old scripts and piles of my dad’s clothes to get to the kitchen. Sitting atop a mountain of blankets and pillows whenever we wanted to watch TV, careful not to knock Dad’s gigantic mobile phone off the coffee table.

It was the first time I realized how awkward life could be. How hurt people do irrational things because they can’t process their own pain.

And honestly, how petty actors are.

That week doesn’t hold a candle to the last four days since Mom fired Haven. My phone causes me so much stress that my stomach starts churning at the idea of another phone call. If it’s not someone on our production team, it’s one of our lawyers trying to reach Mom. All the while she’s been deep in the world of her character, shooting her scenes with Melanie. I have to marvel at her ability to shut everything out and do her work. It’s almost eerie.

Joseph hasn’t been here. There’s not much Calvin without Elise in this movie. My job as acting coach is sidelined. I’ve taken on most of Mom’s responsibilities instead. Turns out my fake producer gig is not so fake anymore.

In between takes, Guy and Tyler watch videos the casting director sends them. They’re circling back to a few names they’d been entertaining before they hired Haven.