Page 64 of What You Left Me

It’s good that he did it. She wasn’t sure she’d ever let go.

“What?” She doesn’t know where he’s going with this.

“C’mon, Petra. I can’t believe you don’t remember our first conversation.It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”He pretends to sound scorned. The tears that once filled his eyes have already fallen, tracing lines down his cheek. “I can’t check off ‘watchBack to the Future,’because we haven’t watched it yet, but—”

Petra recalls the list he made:

1. WatchBack to the Future

2. Look in the yearbook

3. Understand what there is to love about this place.

He doesn’t say the third list item, but he quirks his face. His sentence stays unfinished. Petra hears it all the same.

“I’m sorry I’ve failed you,” she whispers.

Now he’s the one that doesn’t understand.

“I can’t figure out how to bring you back,” she finishes.

He checks around her neck for something. “Nope. Not here.” He continues looking, peeking in the pocket on her shirt, turning her from side to side. “Not here either.”

“What are you doing?”

“Checking for a stethoscope. Maybe a lab coat folded up into your pocket. Or one of those little prescription pads. Anything that would show me you’re a doctor. Because if you aren’t, I’m pretty sure you can’tactuallybring me back.”

She almost rolls her eyes at him. Their conversations never hit true endings, just pauses. There’s always something more to talk about. “You keep asking me for help. And I’m not helping.”

Martin puts his hands on her shoulders. He locks eyes with her, staring with such intention that she’d never dare look away. “If you can only remember one thing about this dream when you wake up, I need it to be this.” He pauses, considering something. “Fair warning, I’m gonna go full cheesy because that’s the kind of guy I am. Okay? Stick with me.” He secures his stance. “You aren’t failing. Not at all. In fact, you helped me figure out something really important. You know how everybody says everything happens for a reason? I realized that’s not what it is. It’s that you have to make a good reason out of everything that happens. That’s the only control we have.” He lets her go. “You helped me know I’m never alone, even when I’m feeling pretty goddamn alone.”

Petra’s crying now. She can’t help it. “You listen to me too,” she says as she wipes tears from her cheeks. “You better be patient. We’re gonna get you to wake up.”

He sticks his pinkie out. “Deal?”

She locks her pinkie in his. “Deal.”

Another pact is made.

36

When I creep out of the bedroom after my alarm goes off, I see that Cameron, Aminah, and Daniel are awake, watching me descend the stairs. I feel like the main character of a movie in which I never asked to star. It’s the way their eyes track my every movement, expecting something important from me.

“Morning,” I say. “Hope you guys slept well.”

Aminah’s nursing a black coffee. “I was out cold. I haven’t slept like that since I was a kid.”

“Proud of you. You made it all the way to nine a.m.” I get a bigger laugh than I deserve.

“And I didn’t even need to break into my house and get clothes for the day. I’ve got yours to wear!” Aminah says.

Daniel places a cup of coffee in front of me. “We’ve all done more with our time in the last three days than we did with all of high school, what with trying to save someone’s life and all.”

It’s the wrong choice of words. It sits there, and I realize what they’re waiting for this time is the breakdown they think I’m still holding in. They don’t know that I’ve let so much of it go. To deflect, I explain that I need to leave. It’s time to correct my last lingering mistake.To make a good reason out of everything that happens.My latest dream comes flooding back to me. With it, a surge of new confidence. I made a promise to Martin. I have to hold up my end of the deal.

“Did you study?” Cameron asks.

“Whoops! Gotta go,” I say as I check an imaginary watch. I’m out the door before they can say another word.