Page 60 of What You Left Me

Martin sucks in air. “That’s not true at all,” he tells her. “I think you keep beating fear.”

Petra rests her head on his shoulder. They continue to move to the beat of their secret song.

“What did you mean when you said people are dead?” Martin asks.

Petra places her finger on his lips to shush him. “Not now.” Her hands wrap back around Martin’s neck. “Be patient,” she says. “Just exist with me.”

Martin holds tighter to her waist. “Existing is goddamn underrated,” he says back.

The countless stars above blanket them, making everything soft and safe. In the dark of the complete unknown, nothing can hurt either of them.

They are alive.

And for now, that is enough.

Part Four

32

It is the last day of high school, the sun is shining, the newly tuned Caravan’s driving smoother than ever, and all Fly can think about is some girl he sat next to at graduation?Congratulations! Let me pull over and buy you a trophy,Spencer thinks to himself. He presses his foot into the gas pedal.This is flying, Fly. Earn your nickname.When he looks to see Fly’s reaction, he finds Fly reaching for the steering wheel.

There is a dot on the scenery beyond the passenger window. A piece of dirt that keeps getting bigger, trying to erase everything in sight.

Oh.

It’s a car.

“Fly, look out! Look out!” Spencer yells. He slams on the brakes.

Fly tugs the steering wheel to the left.

The car smashes into the passenger side of the White Whale, halfway between the front seat and the back seat. Forward and sideways forces combine to slam Spencer into the airbag and door. As his head collides with the heavy pillow of the bag and the glass of the window, breaking his nose and jumbling his brain, he can find only one thought.

Imight’vekilled my best friend.

Because Fly swerved the wheel.

Once the car finally stops shoving the Caravan away, Spencer breathes again. He can’t seem to use his nose, so it’s a desperate gasp through his mouth. Unbridled sobs release from deep inside of him. He looks over to see what’s happened to Fly: his aggravating, annoying, frustrating best friend in the entire universe.

The seat belt keeps Fly’s body upright, and the airbag has his head propped up at an awkward angle. Spencer unbuckles and leans over the gears to try and hold together body parts that seem to be falling off. He screams out as many swear words as he can come up with, none of which seem to capture what it is to be holding his dying friend in his arms.

Fly coughs. His eyes flicker open.

Spencer stops cursing. “Fly?” No response. “Marty?”

The body goes limp in Spencer’s arms once again.

33

MONDAY, JUNE 11

If I live or if I die or if I’m forever in this Between, the people I love are still hurting. Apologizing into thin air certainly didn’t do a thing to change that. Doing nothing did, well, nothing. Big surprise. Asking for help doesn’t make much sense. No one can get me out of a place they’ve never been themselves.

Small changes. That’s what it is. The loop Spits is caught in must be changed until it’s fixed, no matter what it means for me. Spitty needs to move on. It’s not all his fault.

It’s mine too.

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