Page 88 of A Summer of Stars

He squeezed my hand before walking off. I stood by myself, surrounded by others posing in a similar fashion. But I didn’t absorb anything the photographers were shouting. My mind was clouded with the idea of Kieran watching me. All I could do was stare back at him from afar.

Flustered, I headed for the grand staircase. This should be over soon, seeing as he didn’t like to stay for the film.

“Are you ready to go?” I asked, approaching his tall figure leaning against the entrance.

He offered his elbow. I accepted, resting my hand on the inside of his arm, watching the thin material ruffle under my fingers.

“Oh, we’re not leaving,” he replied. He walked us toward one of the lines.

“We’re watching the movie?”

“Unfortunately.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“Well, this is pretty much the one place I have no choice. It’d be in bad taste to attend the festival and not watch with everyone who’s attended.”

We entered the dark theater and I let go of his elbow, following him as he took the steps down to the first few rows. Excitement bubbled under my skin with each step we took. This wasn’tSavingSeptember, but it was better than nothing at all. We took our seats, and the screen flickered on.

Twenty minutes in, and Kieran had finally entered the film. His hair was a chestnut brown rather than the almost black color beside me. When he spoke, a French accent spilled out. My muscles were muddying, becoming a putty in the seat that was responsible for holding me up.

I used every muscle in my neck to avoid looking at him. Staring at him on the billboard-sized screen in front of us was mind-boggling. How were these two people the same human?

An hour later, he was kissing Jonathan Russell’s character, and I couldn’t pull my eyes away. Jonathan was gripping Kieran’s waist and Kieran was clutching his jaw. Their lips moved in a chaotic rhythm. Want, desire,need. It was in Kieran’s tightly closed eyes and Jonathan’s curled fists.

Was that how he kissed me? Was that how he kissed all of the people he pretended to date? And was I the only one who had succumbed to it?

Engaging in acts that made us appear as a couple, like holding hands and leaning into each other’s personal space, was one thing. But to be intimate was… entirely different. To be kissed by him and not feel that thick, rolling desire radiating through every muscle in my body was impossible.

On-screen Kieran moaned into Jonathan’s mouth. My grip on the armrest tightened. Suddenly, the air in the theater was draped over my chest, slowing my breathing. The sounds of their mixed groans filled the room, but all I could hear were Kieran’s. It was a singled-out noise flooding my ears like a siren’s call.

Heat curled in my chest and dropped to the bottom of my stomach, building more and more. He rolled his hips, and it remindedme of the dream I had when I slept next to him in England. The dream I was trying to drag by the ankles out of my mind. Now I was watching a version of it in HD.

The Kieran beside me was trying to look anywhere but forward. It was evident how uncomfortable he was having to watch himself. And now his face was filling half the screen. With this view, I could count his dark eyelashes and admire the freckles that ran down his neck.

I pried my eyes away and found him staring at the corner of the theater. Opening my purse, I pulled out a card and pen and began writing. Immediately, I could feel his attention.

“Is that a mini deck of Uno?” he whispered.

“It’s called Uno Go actually,” I said without looking over, continuing to writeThere are approximately 100 women behind us drooling over you. As I finished, I slid the card across the armrest. “Take it.”

He raised his eyebrows and read the card. Then he turned—

“No, Jesus,don’t look!” I whispered, grabbing his shoulder.

He ducked his head. “I wanted to see!”

“Why would I lie?”

“Why would anyone be staring?”

“I didn’t write ‘staring,’ I wrote ‘drooling.’”

“Still doesn’t answer my question.”

“Look at what you’re doing.” I gestured to the screen and immediately regretted it. Kieran was on top of Jonathan, peeling his shirt off. The number of muscles in Kieran’s torso was sinful.

His eyes were still wide with confusion beside me.