Page 48 of Don't Be in Love

She skipped half of my question. “Because it affects the both of us.”

“Affects us how?”

“Are you joking? Rye, what you do affects our future. What I do affects our future. Which, by the way, do you know how embarrassing it was to hear about your post-grad plansfrom your mother?”

“I’m sorry. You’ve been busy. I didn’t think it was worth mentioning.” Since up until ten minutes ago, I thought we weren’t together.

“Of course I want to hear about it. You’re supposed to discuss big-life decisions with your partner.”

“There’s not much to discuss. I’m moving in with James after graduation so I can use my own flat as the gallery space. I have it all planned out.” I placed the new deadbolt on the door, lining it up with the holes.

She scoffed.“You’re going to move?Seriously?To livewith James?When your parents could just buy you another place? That’s ridiculous.”

“Yes, Victoria.” Were we standing on a spinning scratched record?

I put one of the screws between my lips, and strung the other through the hole, fitting the drill in the divot. Then onto the next screw. She began talking louder as the drill shrieked.

“You’re ruining your life by not considering joining your father’s production team! This art thing is a joke! What are you going to do? Sell your paintings? It’s embarrassing!”

I stopped the drill. I bit the inside of my mouth.She’s just upset you didn’t tell her. You’d be upset if she kept something from you.

She has, you idiot. Gregory, Drew, Lewis, Alfie. There’s probably even more from this summer.

“The deadbolt is fixed. Have a good night.” I opened the door, threw the rubbish in her bin, dropped the drill on her counter, and grabbed my coat from the ground. I took the stairs down to the lobby two at a time, praying she wouldn’t follow.

Once the goosebump-raising air hit me outside, I exhaled. It wasn’t enough to cool the heat on my neck and sides of my face, but it was something. A droplet of rain against the hot pan that was my body.

Embarrassing. She thinks I’m embarrassing. Maybe I was. Maybe that’s what happened to a person who kept going back to someone who didn’t love them.

What should have been the sound of the lobby door shutting behind me was her voice instead.

“Dorian wait.” I turned. She was pulling her blond hair from the restraint of her coat.

Sometimes if I looked at her long enough, she began to look like the girl I fell in love with at seventeen. I could see the light freckles that polka-dotted her nose fighting for space through her makeup. Imagine the smile that lifted on her face when she saw me. Pretend that her next words were going to be supportive and sweet, the way they used to be.

But it was just going to be an empty apology.

She folded her arms tightly against her chest. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Well, you did Vic. But I can’t change how you feel. If you want to spend entire summers pretending I don’t exist and continue to hate my life choices, then that’s fine. But I don’t want it.”

“Don’t want what?”

“This. Us. I’m exhausted.”

“You’re just going to give up? Five years and something gets tough, and Dorian wants to give up, yet I’ve been here for you through everything.Really?”

“You know this isn’t the only thing. It’s been like this foryears.”

“No.” She shook her head, and her eyes developed a glassy glow. “You don’t get to just leave. Who else will deal with thepublicity and scrutiny and still stick by you? No one. No one but me because I know you. I’ve always known you.”

Maybe she did know me. Five years did that.

She’d been there through every scandal, every speculation. When people in class stared at me and when tabloids ripped me apart, she was there. She had a right to worry about the future.

So when she leaned forward to kiss me, I gave in. Sank into the comfortable space I was accustomed to because no one else would ever offer the same. Because I had no other choice.

“What are your thoughts on a Halloween party?”