Page 129 of Don't Be in Love

My dinner rolled in my stomach.

Now, his face was a mosaic of emotion while mine was numb, incapable of forming any expression that wasn’t dismal.

“Christmas Eve,” he restarted, “I went to her place to tell her it was over.”

“You did what?”

“She wasn’t happy about what I had to say. She told me you’d never want me and that you’d leave me before I even had a chance to tell you how I felt.” I feltill. I had done exactly what she said. “I’ve been trying to have this conversation with her for years, and she thought she could convince me otherwise bytrying to kiss me but realistically, we’ve been through for a long time. I pulled away the second she was on me.”

I stared at him in shock. I should believe him. Butwhat if?What if he was lying? What if he went straight up to her apartment after?

The images of them from this semester wouldn’t shift. I couldn’t picture him pushing someone so beautiful off him. Someone that made sense for him on a tax bracket level.

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked.

“Because I want you to know that everything I’ve said to you is true. I want to be with you.”

“Dorian, I’m leaving, after graduation. I’m moving back to Boston.”

His face fell. “You’re what?”

“I’m going back home at the end of the semester. There’s nothing for me here.”

“I’m here,” he said.

“That doesn’t change that you still loveher,” I pressed.

45

Don’t Let Her Go— Dorian

My heart clung to my ribcage.Thiswas what she’s been upset about?Thiswas why she wouldn’t answer my calls or look at me? She thought I was in love withsomeone else?

There was rain in my shoes and rain in my pockets and rain coating my hair and skin, but I’d stand out here all night explaining what happened if it meant she’d understand.

The words began tumbling out of my mouth without a second thought. “I don’t love her, I loveyou, and if you had stopped making up your mind before I had a second to finish explaining myself, you would’ve realized that this entire time I’ve been trying to give you the space you wanted. I’ve tried to get over you each time you told me you weren’t interested so I could hopefully salvage some shred of my dignity, but all I could think about wasyou. All I ever think about isyou. You’re all I paint for God’s sake.”

Exhale. Inhale. “The problem was never that I lovedher, because I didn’t. It was always that I lovedyou.”

She stared at me with cheeks completely flushed. Rain filled our silence.

I wanted her. I wanted her. I wanted her. I had never wanted someone so strongly before and it terrified me.

“You can’t just make me fall in love with you and take it all back,” I whispered. “Say something. Please.”

Her eyes were dewy. “Are you sure?”

“What?” I asked dumbfounded.

“Are you sure that you love me? Because if you take it back in a few months or a few years, I don’t know if I’ll survive it when being in love with you has already been this treacherous.”

“Did you just say you were in love with me?”

“Treacherously so, yes.” Her eyes darted across my face. “So tell me Dorian Blackwood,are you sure?”

“I was sure the first night I walked you home,” I exhaled.

A smile finally kicked up on her face. At last, I let myself touch her, my hands going to the sides of her jaw. “I adore you, Adelaide Adorno. I love absolutely everything about you.”