Page 114 of Don't Be in Love

She lowered her voice, “Of course I saw the photos, they’reeverywhere.”

“It’s not what you think,” I urged, reaching for her.

She pulled away, crossing her arms. “It doesn’t matter whatI thinkbecause there’s literal proof.”

“Adelaide, I know how those photos look, butshetried to kissme.”

“She didn’t try—shedidkiss you. And I hate that I even know that but I’m grateful because I don’t think you would’ve ever mentioned it.”

“That’s not true,” I shook my head.

“Really? Then why didn’t you mention it once when you came and saw me after? Didn’t think to mention it on the London Eye or in the telephone booth? It wasn’t like we were low on time.”

“I—”Because I was going to tell you I loved you and that I left her.But looking at her now, there was no way in hell she felt the same way. Not when she was so quick to believe that I’d cheat on her.

She laughed. Shelaughed. “Honestly Dorian, I’m thankful you don’t have an excuse, because I don’t want to hear it. If you had let me finish what I had tried to say over the phone, youwould’ve saved yourself a trip because we need to stop talking indefinitely.”

“You were going to tell me over the phone that you no longer want to speak to me,and just expect me to abide?And after what I said to you before I left?”Tell me you care for me. Because I care for you.

She wasunbelievable.

Her cheekbones were matted maroon. “Do you understand how embarrassing it was to spend my holiday thinking about you constantly, only to find out that you were with someone elsehours before?”

True, venomous guilt sank in as I realized that her anger wasn’t powered by hatred, but by sadness. “Adelaide—”

She waved her hand, stopping me. “I don’t care, and I don’t want to know. I meant what I said about not forming relationships. I have no interest in entertaining this anymore.” It felt like a serrated knife was being plunged into my chest. She was twisting it and pulling like a caught fishhook. “Our deal is over, so we don’t need to see each other. You passed the class. You can be with Victoria, and I can stop hurting my best friend.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but there was nothing left in me. I was on the verge of needing CPR.

She took that as an invitation to finish the conversation. “I’m trying to build a career here. A life.” Her voice softened. “I’ll never be taken seriously if my name is only ever attached to yours … so no one can ever know about us. No one can ever see us together. You have to pretend that you never met me.”

With that, she crouched down, picked up the box of books, and returned to her ladder.

I was numb.

I pressed my hand to my back pocket, feeling the impression of the souvenirs, before walking out of the store and leaving a trail of unspoken words behind me.

Suddenly, we were strangers again.

39

Don’t Let Him See You Cry — Adelaide

Once I was convinced he was nowhere near the store, I grabbed my coat, entered the cold, and cried.

Iwailed.

I probably looked frantic to the tailor across the street. He could snap a picture and send it to his family group chat for all I cared. It didn’t matter since my throat was swelling up with emotion and cowering screams. If I didn’t take a breath soon, I was nervous it’d pop like a high-voltage light bulb.

Was this what people meant by heartbreak? Because it felt less like my heart was breaking and more like I wanted to drown in a cookie ‘n’ cream frappe while I curled into a ball and let all my stored tears feed the pipes in our apartment to save money on the water bill.

Maybe those were the same things.

(That was my humor covering up the reality of the situation.)

Honestly, it felt as if he had a hand around my heart andsqueezed. He squeezed so hard that blood was trickling in slow motion through my gut and filling up my mouth. I pressed my glove against my lips to shallow my hysterical breathing.

He admitted to kissing her. He admitted to seeing her.And he kept it from me the whole night.He couldn’t even fathom up an excuse. He had kissed me and told me he cared for me.