Page 80 of Picking Daisies on Sundays

He ran his hand up and down the back of his neck. “Of course. Sit.” The couch was fairly spacious, so it didn’t feel weird to sit in front of him, in between his extended legs.

He made an unidentifiable sound before moving my hair over my shoulder. He laughed.

“I’ll just hold it,” I laughed, knowing that it was too short to stay. I collected my hair as his hand brushed the back of my neck. His forehead tapped the back of my head as he focused on the clasp, and I felt myself wanting to lean backwards into his chest. To let his head fall between the crook of my neck and my shoulder. I don’t know what he was thinking, but I did know that he paused for a moment after undoing the fixture. The air felt too warm, and we were incredibly aware of how much space was left between us.

“Dieu, aide-moi,”he sighed.

I turned my head in surprise. I hadn’t heard that phrase in French before. “What does that mean?”

He cleared his throat. “Here’s your necklace.”

I took that as my cue to leave, but as I moved to get up, he brushed my wrist. “Dani.”

“Yes?”

“You do deserve it, to be loved. You deserve it more than anyone.”

It was unexpected to hear him bring up our conversation from earlier. There was too much that happened today for me to try to dissect that. Looking at him from over my shoulder, I pressed my eyes shut. “Goodnight, Levi.”

I didn’t know which was harder: to be told you deserved love from someone who wasn’t in love with you, or to pretend like they never said it at all.

36

and suddenly, I fell

When I went to bed last night, I almost crawled across the comforter and dug through my bag for Levi’s book in desire for some type of answer to our weirdness. He had given me the approval to read it last night. But I knew if I started it, I wouldn’t have stopped, and I needed sleep. I hadn’t even heard Trish come in last night from her class.

I was on my way to campus now to finish my last dress. Sounds productive, but I desperately needed a distraction because I hadn’t stopped refreshing my inbox all morning. I knew Levi understood, so he didn’t try to hold me up. He did say he’d pick me up tonight for Sunday dinner, “If you’re around tonight,” he said quickly. I laughed and hit his arm and said, “Of course.”

The classroom full of sewing machines, sewing patterns, and dress forms was empty. I went to the corner of the class where I left my cut fabric and began pinning the matching pieces in order to stitch them together. Sewing together the structure would be the longest step. Making sure that the seams were clean and that the dress lay comfortably would be the most difficult part, and then working on the details, like adding pearl accents, and doingalterations would be the exciting part, like decorating a cake.

Hours of sewing flew by before the structure was done, and I was ready to be done for the night. Levi would probably be here in twenty minutes. I opened my emails and scrolled until—

Lazaro finally emailed. I jumped out of my seat and did a lap around the room before finally finding the strength to sit still.

We appreciate your time and interest in Lazaro’sMaster’s Program. The Admissions Committee has received a record-breaking number of applications this semester. Therefore, we regret to inform you that we are unable to…

The rest of the email was a mystery because the tears in my eyes made the words blurry.I didn’t get in.I didn’t get in. I wasn’t good enough, again.

Tears were clogging my eyes and my throat and my chest, and my hands were shaking, and my face hurt from the headache that the tears were causing. What now? What do I do now?

Instinctively, I picked my phone back up to call Levi, only to realize that he’d be here soon and that it was possible Ethan actually may be here. I quickly collected my bag and rushed down the hallway to Ethan’s office, where fortunately, he was. I held up my phone where the email sat and said, “Did you hear?” knowing that he as my advisor would get the same notices.

He gave me a sad look and said, “Yes.”

I sat down in the chair in front of his desk. He stood in front of me, leaning against his desk. I’m surprised he wasn’t more horrified by my red-rimmed eyes and the tear stains on my cheeks.

I fought to stable my shaking hands; I, I just needed someone to talk to. “This was my dream, Ethan, this was the goal. And I…I thought I actually had a chance.”

He sighed. “This is why you applied to other places though,

you have backups.”

I knew I had backups, but they were backups for a reason. “I know,” was all I said.

“You knew how difficult this program was to get into. Many students from here don’t get in.” His response only made me feel worse.You’re just like everyone else, is what that sounded like. I nodded my head. When you faced rejection in your life so often, how were you supposed to think otherwise? He sighed again, sounding exasperated. “You could have your mother make a call.”

My spine went rigid, and my headache immediately cleared. There wasn’t a corner of my mind that was clouded now. “I would never do that.” Not only had I explained to him numerous times that I didn’t want her involved, but I also would never take away someone else’s place at Lazaro because of it.