Page 78 of Picking Daisies on Sundays

“Why did your last relationship end?”

I forgot that I had told him about the TA I dated for a bit. I just, I hadn’t expected him to remember. “It wasn’t really a relationship; it only lasted a month. The guy was cute but, I don’t know, it felt average. I’d rather live through romance movies and be single than have a bunch of average dates.” I shrugged my shoulders. He nodded but looked as if he wanted to ask more.

I missed. He missed. Then I got one.

If we were talking about relationships, then it seemed okay for me to ask the question I hadn’t stopped think about since seeing him in that bar.

“Do you still love Bella?”

His jaw twitched and his gaze was far away. Maybe the line wasn’t as blurry as I thought.

But then he started speaking. “She pushed me to challenge myself, but at a pace I wasn’t ready for. She cared for me, and I cared for her. But she said things about Rhea and Claire I’ll never forget. She treated me in a way that made me seem like I wasn’t enough because I was so focused on them—which I understand. But it also meant she didn’t understand our situation as a family or understood them. It’s bittersweet. She also didn’t appreciate how much the girls talked about you. Or how much I talked about you,” his eyes flickered to me before looking away again. “I don’t know why I said all of that, I’m sorry.”

Those words poked at a never healing bruise of what I imagined his relationship with Bella to be like. It took everything in me to hold in my surprise because the last thing I expected was for him to have been unhappy with her. The idea of her treating him less than for how much he cared about his family and what she possibly said about the girls… It made my spine tighten with anger and my mind whirl with questions.

But I already got to ask my question. It was his turn.

“If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?” He looked at me like he truly wanted to know, like my answer would mean something. There was always this sense of comforting safety in his voice. It was safe to tell the truth. So I did, even if it felt like telling your enemy where you hid your knives.

“Love,” I exhaled; that answer had been as easy as drinking water. It existed in all of my daydreams. “I want an all-consuming love. Not one that suffocates, but one that makes me so thankful that my chest feels physically overwhelmed with emotion. To have this silent, unspoken communication with a person through touch and gazes. I want to be noticed in a crowded room. I want to be theonly personin a crowded room. I want to be wanted, trulywanted, and desired. I want to laugh and to sing and to dance with someone and not feel self-conscious over it because I love them and I’m confident that they love me. I want to be touched and kissed and held because I’ve forgotten what it feels like…and yet, I think I deserve it.”

By the time I had finished, my face had flushed, and Levi was watching me. Lips parted, eyes curious, and neck taut. His head was only inches away from mine in the dark living room. I so badly wanted to lean forward and show him how I wanted to be kissed. But it wouldn’t have even mattered because he already knew. He knew exactly how to kiss me.

I thought wanting him was enough, but now that I’ve kissed him, tasted him, nothing would ever be enough.

“Are you in love now?” he asked. My heart tripped over itself and hit the bottom of my stomach. That was a secret I wouldn’t even give up in my dreams, no matter how tired.

“You only won one question.”

He looked down, but there was nothing left to be cleaned.

“Did you ever read the book?” he asked. The book? I gave him a confused look before I realized—

“I, no, I haven’t,” I stumbled.

“Oh, okay.” He sounded disappointed. The quick nod of his head and indirect eye contact. I thought I was doing the right thing by protecting this private thing he hadn’t shared with me the past four weeks. But maybe I was wrong, maybe he had changed his mind.

“I just haven’t gotten the chance—"

“No, no, it’s okay, there’s no obligation for you to read it or anything. I was just wondering.”

I nodded. “I should probably go.” Getting a cab at this time of the night was going to suck. Cabs weren’t exactly in the masses in the Village on a Saturday night.

“Stay,” he said. “Sleep in my old room, I’ll take the couch.”

“Levi—”

35

maybe you weren’t mine to love

He cut me off. “I don’t want you going out this late at night by yourself, it’s not safe.” I knew he wanted to take me home. It was a comforting thought. But we both knew someone had to be home with the girls.

“Levi—”

“Dani, you will give me a heart attack if I have to think about you going home by yourself. My mind will wreak havoc on me, and I will think of the absolute worst that could happen, so I beg you to please save me some sanity and just stay the night.”

“I was going to say okay,” I said with a smile.