Page 47 of Left on Read

I move forward; he moves back. I’m trying to get closer, and he’s pulling away. For a millisecond, I stop to wonder how we got here. Talking about my worst regrets in Esha’s basement. How we got to me leaning in and him leaning back.

“You reminded me of him then … but only then. And since that day, you’ve been kind and generous and funnier than he could ever hope to be. Consistently. That counts for something.”

Unless this is another mistake?

Hayes wraps cool fingers around my ankles and pulls my calves to rest in his lap.

I like that.

I likethis.Being in a dark corner with him. Him moving forward and me not moving back.

“You know, with him …” Across the room, I hear Piper giggle and Esha immediately shush her. I lower my own voice in response. “It took me months to realize he was sucking the life out of me. But I hadn’t thought about him in forever until I saw thembothtonight.”

“Right. So that explains one of them,” Hayes whispers.

I suck in a burst of air through my teeth, and my chest is so tight it hurts. This is the part that I don’t think I can say. That would require me to understand it and accept it, and I don’t know if I can do that.

“The other one was worse.” My lowered voice sounds broken and kind of unhinged. Like I’m in a horror movie and I’m just begging the bad guy to come and get me. “I can handle being undermined and underestimated and stifled.”

Another breath, this one somehow even less calming. Hayes is running one of his fingers up the side seam of my jeans, over my ankle, then my calf, then my knee, then back again. It’s soothing. I didn’t think I could be soothed right now.

“He wasn’t threatened by me. He used me. He manipulated me and pushed me to do things I can never undo. Things I’ll always be haunted by.”

As if he knows exactly what I mean, Hayes pulls his hands away. He tries to move his knees out from underneath mine. Tries to make more space in this shadowed staircase.

“No,” I murmur. I hook my ankles around his legs again. Thread my fingers through his and rest them on the stair beside us.

There was no way I could have ever been ready for what happened tonight. Seeing the one who oppressed my mind and the one who used my body … and now, sitting beside the one who almost has my heart.

“I understand. And if you ever want to talk about it more, I’ll listen,” he responds, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. He doesn’t have to say anything else. Neither do I.

Be Poe-sitive.

No.

On page 766: “The Black Cat” by Edgar Allan Poe

Piper and I slept over at Esha’s last night after the guys left, and when I woke up to the sound of Piper retching, my first thought wasstillabout the damn midterm. I thought about it even when I went to hold her hair back as she puked.

I probably should’ve kept that thought to myself and just worried on my own about how badly tomorrow’s going to go. Instead, I texted Hayes. Just to see if he was awake. I thought maybe he’d tell me everything was going to be okay, and that I’d believe it. Instead, he asked if I wanted to practice one more time.

When I get to his house, only his car and Luke’s are in the driveway. This place isn’t the mansion I was expecting, but it’s still very modern and sleek for our tiny town. It sticks out like a sore thumb even in this ritzy neighborhood. All the sharp angles and huge windows and shiny accents kind of scream,Doctors live here.

I knock on the door, and Luke opens it faster than I can lower my fist.

“That was so loud,” he mutters, the heel of one hand pressing into his eye socket. He looks like shit. His hair is an incredible mess, and there are bags under his eyes.

“What did y’alldrinklast night?” I ask him. He still smells like that barn.

“I don’t know.” He shakes his head. A stray piece of hay falls out. “It was a Campbell party. Probably fuckin’ moonshine.”

Bless his heart.

Hayes appears over his shoulder, coming from what I assume to be the kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee in a Duke mug. Oh. He’s wearing his glasses. I’ve never seen him in glasses before, and I wasn’t expecting it. They’re these exceptionally nerdy tortoiseshell glasses that look vintage. He’s wearing joggers and a plain white T-shirt, and I don’t even remember why I came over here.

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” Hayes asks. He’s the picture of nonchalance, and it’s annoying. How dare he not act like this is a Moment.

“Nope.” Luke brings up one finger to touch his nose, but it lands somewhere in the middle of his cheek. “My brother’s almost here.”