Page 12 of Left on Read

“College seems like it sucks,” he mutters. “This looks so … boring.”

My instinct is to fight that comment. But he’s actually right, and I hate it. My class does indeed suck.

But it doesn’t have to, I realize, suddenly.

MaybeIcan make it better. They don’t call me Professor Supernova for nothing.

“Um. Hello?”

I hear Hayes’s voice through the white noise playing on my AirPods. The world feels so much better with the sound dampened a little. I take them out and put them primly in their case.

“What’s with all this?” he asks, continuing to talk. To me.

I really can’t believe the audacity. Except this is Hayes, and he’s made entirely of audacity.

“Oh, very sorry,” I mumble, not sorry at all. I have papers strewn all over my desk and half of his, and I guess that’s sort of rude.

He sits down next to me, pulling his arms close to his chest to avoid touching any of my stuff. Probably because he thinks I’ll go feral if a single sheet of paper hits the floor. That’s not completely inaccurate.

“You don’t have to apologize, I’m just … surprised.” His face wrinkles up as his eyes sift through the pages in front of him. “I didn’t think you were going to be like this.”

“Likewhat?” I press, annoyed.

“This.It’s all very you—the papers everywhere, the highlighting, the intense prep literally no one asked for—but I didn’t think you’d do it for a class you hated.”

I’m about to interrupt and tell him Idon’thate this class, and Ineverwill because I’mhell-benton loving it. It doesn’t matter if Lowry is bad at her job. This is a class forEnglish majors,and it is my first step toward becoming one. I LOVE IT.

“But I’m glad actually.” He speaks before I can say anything. “It’s nice to see you putting your usual amount of terrifying, amazing, single-minded effort in. I was getting kind of sad watching you phone it in.”

Suddenly, I need more space.

He notices all the work I do at school? I can’t let him …perceiveme like that. How could he notice? He’s never given any indication he knows a thing about me, like, as a person. How could he …?

“Even though Lowry is completely awful, you keep working. And I respect that.”

The rest of the class, which loiters right outside the door until a minute before class starts, begins heading to their seats. I don’t know why they bother. She hasn’t started class on timeonceyet. Might as well loiter until ten past, guys.

“Come on.” I laugh, a bitter, broken chuckle that sounds very fake, even to my own ears. “She’s … fine. The class is … fine.”

Ten minutes later, Dr. Lowry steps into the room and closes the door behind her. Without a word in greeting, she pulls downthe projector screen and pulls up yet another movie that will probably take a week’s worth of class time to watch.

As she stomps on her heels toward the other side of the room to turn off the lights, I realize that the prep I spent all weekend on—designed to supportseminarwork—is not going to get used. I sadly gather it all up. Without being asked, Hayes helps, delicately stacking papers and handing them over to me.

In the windowless room, the only light comes from the projector. I know it’s an exercise in futility, but I pull out my notebook and begin taking notes anyway, because I have to dosomething.Around me, everyone else is relaxing: settling back in their seats, folding hoodies into pillows, sneaking phones under tables.

“Are yousurethis class isn’t a huge disappointment?” Hayes whispers, speaking too low and too close.

“No,” I respond, under my breath.

I’m not sure if I meant,No, this isn’t a problem,orNo, I’m not sure.

Nova:are y’all coming tonight?

Mom:no, the boys are grounded, but you have fun!

Nova:sorry, forgot about that

Nova:though I should’ve just assumed at least one of them was grounded