Page 3 of Fake It Till You Make It

“Whew, girl,” Vali said, glancing at her watch. “I’ll call AAA to load the Princester and grab some Starbucks for the road. We should hit Pennsylvania Avenue just shy of afternoon rush hour.”

Vali grinned, Amarie didn’t. Not sure how to broach the next topic, she stalled. “This town has literally one stoplight and zero Starbucks coffee shops. I checked. The caffeine withdrawal and the consumption of my last stress-eating snack has me on the struggle bus, for real.”

Before Vali had shown up, she’d ventured away from three bleating protests to wander past the barn-style coffee and pastry shop, before tripping over a raised brick in front of a swing-door saloon, the Bear something or other. The entertainment district ended exactly three storefronts later with the bookstore, Dog-Eared Pages and Cinema. The real beauty beyond the single-storied simple architecture was the oasis of delicate white azalea blooms with green pointy leaves and pink rhododendron funnels with the largest leaves she’d ever seen splitting Main Street into two idyllic postcard snapshots. She’d inhaled the sweetened air, her mouth salivating at the possibility of a fresh start, fresh soil to nourish and protect the tiniest grain of hope buried within.

“It’s all good,” Vali reassured, her voice level and resolute. “I’m so excited for your life minus Russell the man baby. No offense, but he didn’t deserve all your Black girl magic.”

Amarie nodded in solidarity, but she felt untethered, her stomach looping in on itself forming a jumbled mass of nerves. “I… I know, it’s just…” She shrugged. “No matter how hard I tried… I was never his ‘one.’ He screwed around, but I’m the one who’s screwed. Why does life have to be so hard?” It’s a question she’d asked since childhood, but the answer never came. Just more heartache and betrayal.

Vali gave her hand a gentle pat. “That’s officially too hard to answer without caffeine.”

All Amarie wanted was a do-over away from her parents’ watchful eyes, Russell’s lies, and her friends’ successful adulting. Everyone seemed to rush forward with living their best life while she stumbled one step forward, only to twist an ankle and fall two steps behind. She’d never quite mastered soaring above the crash zone. The maternal warning instilled since childhood echoed in her head:Don’t be foolish and stupid. Keep yourself a man, Amarie.The oppressive message scorched like the July heat pouring through the windshield, baking her brown skin to pure cacao.

Vali gave one of Amarie’s shoulder-length locs a tug. “Stop that.”

“What?” She jerked her arm off the lackluster gray door panel, fanning her toasty forearm in front of the tiny, not-quite-rectangular air conditioner vent. Bizarre how the unique held her attention, but her unique personality traits lacked the same appeal to others. Was that the reason Russell cheated? His women looked so different from her—petite and slim with stereotypical face paint, spidery false lashes, and skimpy thongs. Honestly, Amarie detested the clutter of overt femininity, the endless array of bottles, spray cans, tubes, and containers. Another reason why she maintained a primp-free style. The more effort she asserted with hair, makeup, life, the more tragic the outcome.

“I know your mom’s mantra is trending or viral in that busy brain.” Vali reached across the dust-free center console. “Your parents are wrong, Mari. You can have everything you want… without a man bankrolling your life.”

“Of course they are. Look at how successful I’ve been since vacating my well-appointed junior suite in their waterfront estate. My magic, Black or otherwise, is underwhelming.”Amarie dangled Prince’s key to emphasize her point. Her biggest fear was they were correct to not trust her on her own. She’d walked away from Russell, a man who didn’t deserve her very lovable heart, determined that she could take care of herself, and her car had blown up—literally—on her first attempt at independence.

“They love you, but their marriage… the way Mrs. B tolerates your dad’s disrespect… their advice on love is misguided. It’s wrong of them to expect you to marry some douche who cheats on you because he has a cushy bank account.”

“I know.” Amarie swallowed the lump in her throat because fundamentally she agreed, but she had zero history as a soloist. What would she do without Russell at her back? Vali was funny, smart, and engaging. She could walk into a room and command attention. Amarie needed a plus-one. “I’m not you, Vali. A nursing degree without a registered state license is worthless.”

“You’ll pass next time.”

“I’ve already failed the exam twice. Russell said it’s too late to lie to myself. I’m not good enough at anything.”

Vali bared her teeth at the mention of him. “Stop repeating his garbage. You two were like the FBI and the CIA, incompatible. You know your stuff, Mari. When you weren’t caught up in his drama, you were busy being too scared to try.”

Fear had always plagued her. Unreasonable, she knew, but she couldn’t help the internal paralysis invading like a killer virus through her every thought. Her very existence as an adult woman teetered on the precipice of failure. The word applied to entirely too many areas of her life.

A twenty-eight-year-old woman with the professional resume of a sixteen-year-old.

Failure.

Six years in a four-year degree program.

Failure.

Five bad years holding on to a broken relationship, most of them in a bogus engagement.

Failure.

Somewhere in the years as Russell’s fiancée, she’d lost the self-confidence that had buoyed her to travel from the safety of home to Howard University’s campus.

“Your lovable, adorkable self is enough,” her friend teased. “We’ll get back to the city and figure out your next step.”

She couldn’t stall anymore, so she just blurted out the decision she’d made while waiting for Vali to arrive. “I’m not going back.”

Silence spread like a small, but deadly, mushroom cloud. Amarie turned to face the driver’s seat. Vali’s facial expression had slipped from elation to a low-browed concern.

“Okay,” Vali drawled. “I might have spoken too soon on the coffee.”

Amarie began to make her case. “I can’t afford the city without a job. And before you interrupt, I don’t want to be in the same city with Russell and his soon-to-be family. I’m done being ashamed of myself because of that man. It’s one thing to know he’s cheating, but… I can’t unsee what I saw…” she trailed off, her breathing unsteady. After she regained her composure, she looked up to see Vali’s tear-filled eyes watching her.

“I’m so sorry, Mari.” She coughed to disguise the swelling emotion. “He’s making you leave me, too? I-if this move is about money, you can slum it with me and Sunday until you find a place.”