Page 63 of Devil Inside

“What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Plenty.”

“You’re no fun,” she says. “We were hoping for fun-Jordan. Where is he?”

I could give in. Give myself over. Let go. Lord knows I want to.

“Who was that at the farmers market?” I ask.

“Me.”

“On the... inside. Not on the out?”

“Different skin, yes.”

“Okay, so... What are you?”

“Don’t you know by now? Do I have to say it out loud? Say the word?”

“Yes, I want to hear you say it.”

“Ask nicely.”

“No.”

This makes her smile go wider, lips stretching. “Fine,” she eventually relents.“Demon.”The word extends, a vesper, lengthening, a serpent in the air. “Happy now?”

“I can’t believe this.” I’m not willing to give anything of me, to accept this. Not yet.

“Faith is difficult to find these days, isn’t it? And yet... you’re still afraid.”

“How can you tell?”

“You’re so easy to read.” She sighs, the air escaping her chest. “I can practically hear your pulse pounding from outside. You’re sweating, even now. Your breathing has picked up. All that tells me is your body believes, at least, no matter what your mind tells you.”

She’s right. I’m afraid. Not of her, though.

Of myself.

I haven’t been the same since the accident. What if I brought something back? A little memento of hell? What if something’s slithering within that I don’t even know about?

If I’m not the same person I was before... then who am I now?

What am I becoming?

Maybe death unlocked something inside that’s always been there... I could’ve had this darkness within me from the get-go and I just didn’t know.

All it took was dying to dislodge it.

All I know is I’m waking up.

I feelalive.

Lilith’s picking up my pulse again. Proof of life, right here. I feel things with her. Feel like myself again. Or who knows? Maybe something better. Something more...me.

Whoever I am now.

Am I ready to let go? Go along for the ride? That blend of fear and excitement, the thrill of it, whatever this is, the very tumultof her, it’s making my heart beat faster. I’m walking along the razor’s edge of my senses, simply trying to find my equilibrium.