Page 173 of Devil Inside

With her.

When our bodies finally pull apart, limbs untangling, and we are sent rolling over the bed until we both settle onto our backs, I feel her slipping out. Like uprooting a flower. The roots of her reach down so deep into me, suddenly plucked, I can’t help but feel as if she’s taking chunks of my skin with her, the topsoil of my flesh ruptured by the release of her grip.

I feel so empty without her. Absolutely cratered.

Lilith collapses onto the mattress just next to me, out of breath. Her entire body slackens, pressing against me. There’s no resistance. No fight. We’re both exhausted.

Exorcised.

Every song you have ever listened to, I can hear them through you. There is a music in you. All the songs that have yet to be written, the stories waiting to be told.

Every film you ever watched, I can see them now.

Every painting you ever took in. Such lush colors. Warm blood. A canvas of flesh.

Every memory is embedded in your body and I take them all in.

You are all of these things, Jordan.

You are a work of art.

take me

Jordan

The morning light finds us. Our bodies.

What’s left of them.

We are in my bed but it’s no longer my bed. We are in my apartment, but it just doesn’t feel like my apartment anymore. There is nothing to this space that feels real.

I’m still in my body, separated from Lilith by an endless stretch of flesh, but it no longer feels like mine.

It dawns on me why I’ve felt so outside of myself for so long.

I’m empty without her.

I’ve been possessed by Lilith. Consumed by her. She has overtaken every thought I have. Even my mind doesn’t feel like its own anymore. I don’t know if I’m in control of myself, if I ever really was. All I feel now is the ache of her absence. She’s not with me. Inside me.

Something’s missing within. The very chambers of my heart feel cavernous, my bones an abandoned structure. I’m empty without her. I feel exorcised. I want her back.

Back inside.

Lilith is still inside her host, Cara, when I come to. She’s so far away, even when she’s resting just next to me. There is a gulf of flesh between us. We could be closer.

I reach over to wake her, touch her, but I hold myself back.

This flesh is so thin. My body is so weak without her. I only feel complete when she’s within me. I ache for her all over. The muscle memory of my demons.

Love is possession. We invite them in. Let them take over.

Come into me, we say.Take me, we say. We give ourselves over. Not just our body, but our entire being. We share this space, this corporeal real estate.

People have possession all wrong. It’s not about being invaded by another entity. It’s not the overtaking of autonomy or losing one’s sense of self.

It’s love. It’s sacrifice. Cohabitating. Not just your body, but your soul. Your heart.

We can make a go of this, Lilith and me. Together. In here. In me.