Page 142 of Devil Inside

I don’t have one.

Is that true? Would I even know? I can’t think about that now. One thing at a time.

Rulers are appointed by prophets. Oracles declare holy war. Or prevent them. Possession has been in politics since the Old Testament and beyond.

In Polynesia, there is talk of “God Boxes”—mediums who allowed themselves to be vessels for various deities, who would then advise their leaders.

And here I am, just trying to call the girl I like.

Shamans heal those who are possessed, extracting spirits. They healed those members of their community who were stricken by illness, thought to be demonic.

Is this what I am? A god box definitely has a ring to it...

Maybe I dragged something back after I died. Maybe this darkness was always there, but it was only after the bike accident that I opened this door within me.

Lilith said as much, didn’t she? Who’s to say I didn’t alreadyhave the ability to see demons? This is more than just I-see-dead-people. She wants me to get in touch with my dark side. Maybe this is what she meant. I’m an empath. A goddamn shaman.

Let’s give this a spin, shall we? Worth a shot. What do I have to lose?

Christ, what do I have left?

Today’s arts and crafts project is super simple:A summoning circle.

Let’s get to invoking our very own demon.

All I want is one.

The Netra Tantra speaks to weak spots in a person’s soul. Through these fissures within the host, it’s possible for demons to slip inside and possess a human being. These entryways are inside all of us, apparently. Cracks in the shadows of ourselves.

We are a doorway. Once these demons slip through, they are in our world.

I am a lighthouse.I am a beacon to lead demons through. I will light the way.

I guide them inside.

If I can just get Lilith back, lure Lilith in, bring her back to me, we can talk this all through. She’ll have to listen to me. Let me explain myself.

She makes me feel something I’ve never felt before. I don’t feel empty when she’s here with me. But I don’t know how to talk about these things because I’ve always felt like I’ve needed to hide them from other people. That this part of me should stay buried forever. Far away from what others see. How could I explain this? This—

evil

—dark side? All the dark thoughts? The things we’re constantly told you should never say out loud, never share, never act upon? Those are the things Lilith wants from me. She keeps encouraging me to act upon those impulses... and then she completely abandons me.

I’ve stalled enough. If I’m going to fucking do this, let’s do this.

I’m calling her. I’m getting her back. Hell or high water.

Here goes nothing...

Start with a summoning circle. So my handy-dandy how-to book says. I found a particularly dusty tome at the library—The Divine and the Demoniac—an esoteric text that purports to know how to conjure up your very own pal from the underworld.Demonology for Dummies, basically.

I’m bringing theromanceto necromancy. The candles are all lit. My living room smells like a Bed, Bath and Beyond showroom. I pushed the couch back, rolled up the rug, swept the dust bunnies. I grabbed a box of iodized salt and spread a circle around the room, fit for two. There are no breaks in the trail of Morton’s. Otherwise, whatever I conjure could roam free without me.

Next up—I draw a circle with chalk. The salt barrier is for protection, apparently, while the chalk draws the demon in. Brings them forth.

Done. What’s next? The final ingredient is... blood. The book asks for an animal’s. A goat—but I’m not about to sacrifice anything living in my living room. I could lose my lease.

My blood will have to do.