Page 78 of Counting the Days

That afternoon, when Marcus’s mothershowed up to relieve them, Ekele clung to Danny’s leg and would not let go. Mrs. Miller was visibly insulted, forcing Rhea to say:

“Don’t take it personally, he has a weird thing for Danny.”

“He wasn’t like this at Christmas,” Mrs. Miller said.

“Yeah, he must be going through a phase.” Rhea highly doubted he wasn’t like this at Christmas.

Finally, Danny “wrenched Ekele’s tiny hands off his leg” so they could grab their belongings and abscond. As they walked through Ada’s yard, Rhea wondered how to check in on Danny. She wanted to know if he’d had a terrible time, but she also did not want to know. If those needy brats had made him even more repulsed by parenting, it might force her to put off her fatherhood inquisition indefinitely.

“Man, that poor little guy,” Danny said.

“He has separation issues—not all kids are like that.”

“I thinkIhave separation issues. I miss him already.”

Rhea felt her veins dilate as blood returned to her appendages.

“He adores you,” she said.

“I adore him—both of them. Those kids are amazing—completely exhausting, but also…wonderful.”

Rhea tried to hold her face in a neutral position.

“Well, I’m…happy to hear you feel that way.”

He opened her car door and pulled her in for a kiss.

“Thank you for coming with me. I could not have done it without you,” she said.

“It was truly my pleasure.”

They drove in companionable silence while Rhea flung gratitude at Ekele and Chichi. Those darling angels might have just saved her life. He thought they were “amazing” despite all the hard work and chaos. He “adored” Ekele despite his tantrums and bathtub defecation. It was “truly his pleasure” even though he only got five hours of sleep.He loved parenting!There had never been a better time to bring up the forbidden subject.

She felt she had an answer for any excuse he came up with. She had endless anecdotes about how to raise children in an environmentally friendly manner and was ready to fire them off: cloth diapers, secondhand clothes, wooden toys. She had heavily researched every alternative school in Los Angeles. She just needed to ask him what his most recent thoughts were; had they changed at all? It could be casual; it did not have to be the end.

“Where are we going?” She was so lost in thought that she had just noticed he was pulling into a pay parking lot.

“I told you, Ferris wheel, it’s happening, no turning back.”

She looked up and saw the pier in the distance on which the great wheel of dangling pods loomed large; each pod contained a family of tourists snapping pictures of the ocean far below. Rhea wondered if Danny was intentionally trying to make up for her terrible childhood, or did he just genuinely enjoy childlike activities?

“Oh wow, Ferris wheel, okay, yeah, let’s do it—I just—there’s something…I wanted to talk to you about—”

“Uh-oh…”

She did not intend to sound so serious, but her heart was racing and she started blinking.

“No, no, it’s not a big deal at all…. I just…um—Well, I was wondering if maybe, you had…ever…?” The walls of the truck were closing in on her; there was no casual way to ask this. He had beencellophane clearabout his fatherhood feelings. How could she ask him again?

“Rhea…you’re freakin’ me out,” he said, turning his whole body to face her.

“No, sorry, I just—please don’t be angry with me, I just wanted to know if perhaps with all that’s happened in the past few months, with us and just—everything. If any part of you felt any differently about…fatherhood.”

He turned his whole body away as if she’d shoved him. He looked at the steering wheel for a long time and took an audible deep breath.

“Are you mad? I’m so sorry, I just…it crossed my mind that maybe, since we had such a good time last night and…I don’t know….”

After ten agonizing seconds of silence, he turned back to her.