Page 31 of Little Howl of Moon

The guilt of moving on from my past swallowed me up. I tore my gaze from him, my mind spinning as I turned around. I felt it, this pull to him. This desire to give in.

I wanted to love him.

I wanted this.

I wanted to complete the bond and figure everything else out after—but there was one thing stopping me.

Alia.My wife. She’d been gone for a few years now, but there was a small part of me that felt like I was betraying everything we’d built.

Was it wrong for me to jump headfirst into something so new? What about my daughters? They hadn’t even met Steel. Fuck. I’djustmet him.

I could feel a spiral starting and no idea how to pull myself out.

Steel reached for me, but I recoiled. Hurt flashed in his golden eyes.

“So do you not want this?” he whispered. “Oli?”

I couldn’t look at him, and I knew my reaction was just . . . It had nothing to even do withhim.This wasn’t Steel’s fault that I was suddenly afraid of committing. But after so many years of being alone and certain I’d never find love again, the idea of saying yes to a fated mate bond with Steel scared me.

My silence did not sit well with him. A soft whine sounded in his chest and before I could say anything, he turned away from me.

“Wait,” I said, panic setting in. “Steel?—”

“No, it’s okay. I will go.”

“Steel—”

He bared his teeth at me and I drew back, watching hopelessly as he took off toward the trees.

“How will you get home?—”

“Not your problem,” he growled.

“Steel!”

I stumbled after him, but he was much faster than me. Moonlight haloed his shape as he ran into the shadows, moving in a blur and disappearing out of sight.

I shouted his name again, but my vision blurred with tears.Fuck.Watching him go was a punch to the gut.

I didn’t want to lose love again.

Had I just ruined everything I’d been wishing for?

10 /LOVE AND LOSS

Steel

Walking into my cabin alone was . . . awful. I felt sick to my stomach as I flipped on the living room lamp and sprawled out face-down into the cushions of my couch, feeling like my world was ending.

Running all the way home had cleared my head some. It’d taken a couple hours, but it had been exactly what I needed. Getting my blood pumping under the full moon had lessened the cloud of sadness stifling me.

It was normal to be on different timelines when your mate was a human, right? Of course Oliver didn’t want to immediately be mated.

But fuck, it hurt. It hurt so much. All I wanted was for us to seal our mating bond and then figure out the rest of our lives. I’d thought during my rut that those thoughts were entirely driven by lust, but now that my head was clear—I felt it in my chest. This tugging, this need, thisdesirefor something more.

It was so silly to already say I was in love with him.

But gods damn it all, I was.