Page 9 of Kevin's Destiny

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. At his furrowed brow, she sighed heavily. “For being such a bitch over the years.”

“Can I ask why you were?”

“I was scared.”

“About?”

“About you not loving me anymore, about Caleb leaving for college, about me growing older.” She leaned forward and laid her hands on the table. “You have to admit that I didn’t work after Caleb was born. You were there as much as you could be, but we both know your job took precedence over our marriage, especially once you became detective. I had no skills, other than being a housewife, a mother, the president of the PTA. Once Caleb started high school, he didn’t need me as much, I had no purpose in life. Back then, I thought if I acted out, then you would pay more attention to me.” She shook her head and held up her hand when it looked like he would say something.

“No, I know my actions weren’t rational, I thought what I did would get your attention and you would spend more time with me. I was jealous of your job. I know now that I should have gone in a different direction.”

“By?”

“By going back to school to take classes or get a degree, by bettering myself. At least keeping up with the current trends in my field of study that I ignored during the years I stayed home. I know that by the time you filed for divorce, it was over. Again,I was scared, and when I saw you with that woman, I lost it. Insecurity can be a bitch at times.”

Kevin didn’t say anything for several minutes, then asked quietly.

“Why did you hate Ryan so much?”

CHAPTER 4

“Jesus,Kevin, you sure know how to kick a girl when she’s down.” She shook her head, finished her water, and started to rise, looked at the guards, and sat back down. “I like to say I’m six years older than Ryan, but in actuality, I’m ten. It’s a vanity thing, but whenever I could, I would lie about my age. For ten years, I had Mom and Dad all to myself. Their love, their attention, their devotion, and yes, their money. Whatever I wanted, I got.”

She shook her head and started playing with the empty water bottle. Neither of the two guards left in the room said anything or took it from her.

“The second I found out Mom was pregnant, I was overwhelmed by several emotions. I’m telling you this because I had to unpack all this in my therapy sessions. Anyway, I knew Mom and Dad wanted more children. They told me all the time that they wanted more. When it didn’t happen, we all realized I would be the only one, and I think that’s when Mom and Dad really started to spoil me. Then Mom got pregnant.”

“Stop,” Kevin said as he held up his hand. “I’m going to be seeing Ryan in a few months. May I record what you’re about to say, then show it to him?”

“Sure,” Karen said with a shrug, and they both looked at the guards.

“I don’t see any reason not to,” one of them said, as she settled in a chair.

Kevin pulled out his phone, and he propped it up to get the angle he wanted, and nodded to Karen.

“Hi, Ryan,” Karen said to the phone. “I know you probably don’t want to see my face ever again, and I don’t blame you. I was a first-class royal bitch to you your entire life. I have no excuse for it. None whatsoever. I’m making this video to tell you that I’m sorry for my treatment of you, and I hope that one day, you can forgive me.” She sighed, drew in a deep breath, looked at Kevin, and went back to looking into the phone.

“From the minute I found out Mom was pregnant with you, I resented you. I wouldn’t be an only child any longer, and I resented the hell out of you for taking my parents away from me. I don’t know if you know the truth, but as I just told Kevin, I’m ten years older than you, not six. I wasn’t as smart as I claimed to leave home early to go to college. I was eighteen when I left, not sixteen. That was on me, no one else. Anyway, over the years, I resented you because it seemed like no matter what you did, it was effortless. You read a book and could recall what you read. You looked at a math problem and could figure it out in seconds. You tried out for sports and was the captain of the team before the first game. Then you joined the Navy, and immediately became a SEAL. I’m not saying that it happened that fast, but it seemed like it to me. No, you were not the golden boy, you were treated just as equally as I was. I just resented the hell out of you because I wasn’t alone with Mom and Dad any longer. Everything you did, you succeeded, on your own merit.”

She shook her head, wiped her forehead, and plowed on. “As we grew older, I grew more resentful. When Mom and Dad died, you weren’t there, which left me to deal with everything.I’m still working through this with my therapist, but I believe that because I already resented you, my grief from their passing compounded the resentment. I told no one this next part, not even Kevin or Caleb, and I’m not saying it now to hurt you, I’m saying it because it’s a hard fact, and it added to my feelings toward you.” She looked up at Kevin, and didn’t speak until he gave her a nod, then she looked directly into the camera.

“Both Mom and Dad’s last word was your name. I was the one that took care of them, I was the one that did everything for them, but your name was the last word they spoke before they passed. So, yeah, my resentment of you grew. When you finally came home, that’s when I lost it on you. I’m sorry, I know it’s a little too late, but I am truly sorry. I do not expect you to forgive me, but that’s your prerogative. I will not force you, you have the right to your feelings, just like I did mine.” She reached up and wiped a genuine tear, but her voice was steady as she finished.

“It’s my own stupidity that led us down the path we are on now. I’m talking about us not being close. That’s on me. No matter what happens, know that I love you, I wish you well in this life, and I hope you’re happy.” She wiped several more tears and turned away. Kevin quickly stopped recording, and wiped a tear of his own. The room remained silent for what felt like hours, but was only fifteen more minutes before the door opened, and Detective Bennett stuck his head inside.

“Lassiter,” he said with a clipped voice, and Kevin rose to go out in the hall.

“What’s up?”

“We have the phone call Strokes made. It was for two minutes and twelve seconds.”

“To whom?”

“A known gang leader. Drake is with the Warden getting copies of Strokes’ file. We’ve alerted Boggs, and he said he will handle things from there.”

“Okay, is it okay for me to return home?”

“Yes, Boggs alerted the entire house and the guys back at the station are filling out a sign-up sheet to take turns staying at your house. Both while you’re at work, and at night. We’ve got your back, Lassiter.”