Page 77 of Fierce-Baker

Which she did while her son played with the new man in her life.

The one who she had to decide how much more she was going to let in and open up with.

The fact he was here now, not just having dinner with her, but with her son, said that it was time to stop having everything be such a damn secret all the time.

22

DEPTH OF EMOTIONS

“Ididn’t think he was going to fall asleep,” she said two hours later.

“Sorry. I didn’t think he’d get that wound up.”

They were sitting on the patio again, Micah in bed, the monitor next to them, and nothing but the sounds of the music coming through it.

“Everything winds him up, but now he’ll sleep. It’s worth it.”

“It tells me why you’re in such good shape. Why your ass is perfect. You’re doing nonstop squats around him, then picking him up while you do it.”

“I never thought of it that way.”

“Maybe it’s because you don’t see your body the way I do.”

“I see it,” she said. “It’s different than it was before I had a baby, but not in a bad way. I’m positive I’m in better shape. I tell myself I’ve got someone who relies on me more so I should be as healthy as possible.”

“It’s a good way to look at it.” He took a drink out of his bottle of water. “Jolene is going to catch on pretty quickly.”

“We figured as much. But I only have less than two weeks left now. She won’t see me much anymore. Sorry it will be you she’ll be working on.”

“I can handle her. I found it funny that you told her we lived by each other. It’s like now she’s confused.”

“I was pretty proud of myself keeping a straight face through it all. I asked if she knew we lived by each other, then casually dropped it that in a few weeks I wouldn’t see you much anymore. She didn’t seem to catch on.”

“Don’t be so sure. She’ll replay it in her mind. I guess the question is now that I’m here tonight, is it worth doing that?”

“No. Not that I didn’t think Micah would be fine with you.”

“But you were waiting for that last step.” His hand reached for hers. “Thanks for letting me spend time with him.”

“See. That. That right there. I should thank you and you’re saying it. Why?”

He was watching her face. The confusion mixed in with the depths of emotions. The verge of tears he wasn’t so sure the reason for.

“Why am I thanking you?” She nodded her head. “Because I know how hard this was for you. How hard it was to let me be a part of his life when no one else had been. And I know that deep down though we’ve said this was going to be simple, it’s turning into anything but.”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “It is. It’s scary. It’s not just me now. That’s a dynamic I haven’t had to deal with, even though I’ve tried.”

“I haven’t tried in years,” he admitted.

“The whole trust thing?”

“Yeah. I haven’t shared it with anyone before either.”

Her eyes were searching his. “Do you want to share it now? That’s your choice.”

He sighed. “I feel as if I should. That I don’t need to keep you guessing. I don’t know if you’ll open up more or not and that is your choice. As you said, there is more on the line. But my thinking is, if I give you this, maybe it will ease some of what could play in your mind about me.”

“I don’t want you to feel as if I’m forcing you to do that. Or say things you’re not ready for,” she argued. “Not that I don’t want to hear it, but I’m not sure what I’ll give in return.”