Page 86 of The Starfish Sisters

“Steph, you look great,” I say, hand on Jasmine’s back. “London agrees with you.” My heart settles to see her looking like this, as if she’s looking forward with pleasure instead of dread.

“I love it here,” she says. “I feel like I fit in. In so many ways.”

“I’m glad. We’re doing fine here.”

“What have you been doing, Jasmine?”

“I stayed overnight with Suze and she taught me to play blackgammon.”

“Backgammon maybe?” Steph smiles, but she narrows her eyes. “What was Nana doing?”

“I was—”

“She had a date!” Jasmine cries. “With Ben.”

Stephanie’s eyebrows rise, but her smile is genuine. “Really, Mom? I love it.”

I try to shrug it off. “It was nice.”

“Hmm. You’ll have to tell me more. I like Ben. He’s a good guy.”

“He is.”

A cluster of noises arise on the other end, and Stephanie looks over her shoulder. “Sorry, I have to go. My partners are here to pick me up for dinner.”

“Dinner in the morning?” Jasmine asks.

“No, sweetie. It’s six in the evening here.” She smiles. “Blow me a kiss.”

Jasmine complies, sending handfuls of kisses toward her mom, one after another. “Love you!”

“Love you more,” Stephanie says, blowing kisses back. “Bye, Mom. Love you, too.”

The phone goes dark. I feel enlivened but also slightly depressed by her glow. Her clear happiness. She isn’t coming back, ever.

And I want that for her. I want what makes her happy. I deeply, truly do.

But where does that leave me?

“Do you feel better, sweetheart?” I ask.

“I guess.” She heads for the wide, low desk where she’s been working and settles in. For a minute, I watch her, and I think she’s trying not to cry, but I won’t go and try to insert myself into that personal grappling with pain. It’s good for her.

And yet. God, I’m going to miss them! Both of them!

I wander to the window and look out at the sea, trying to identify the strange feeling in my heart. Am I sad that Stephanie is settling in so easily? Why would that bother me?

The waves are high today under a low, dark sky. They roll in as if on a highway, and crash with dramatic violence against the rocks. I raise my eyes to Suze’s house and see her on the balcony with another person. They’re just standing there, drinking coffee, but there’s an air of intimacy about them that makes me think—

And then I realize who it is.

Joel.

A strange, ancient thing twists my heart. Joel. All this time, Joel. I think of the way they looked at each other in the kitchen that first day.

I think of him burning down the church.

It was always Joel.