Page 42 of The Starfish Sisters

“So do you.”

I lifted up on my toes and kissed him again, pressing our chests together. He held his hands on my waist. “I think I need to walk you back home.”

“Okay.”

We held hands all the way, talking about color and light and things I never dreamed I’d talk about with a boy. At my grandma’s driveway, he kissed me again, lightly. “See you soon, Phoebe.”

I nodded, and watched him walk away, lean and loose limbed, and I thought I would never feel so alight again in my life.

In fact, it was a very long time.

Wednesday before Thanksgiving

Dear Suze,

Sorry I didn’t write yesterday. It was a busy day! I went to Seaside with my grandmother to get groceries and when we got back, I helped her cook. She says cooking is really important and that I need to learn to be good at it. Good food is important for your body, and serving it beautifully makes an ordinary day festive. That’s nice, right? My mom doesn’t care about dinner. We usually only all sit down together once in a while, and my dad doesn’t really cook, so he makes TV dinners when he’s the one who is home. I love it when I’m here and we eat together every night, even if it’s just soup and bread, which it is a lot.

Joel came over when we got back and stayed for dinner, which was Amma’s mac and cheese, which he ate so much of that he had to lean back and burp at one point, which made us all laugh. Amma says he’s a growing boy and is going to shoot up.

After dinner, we walked downtown and played pinball at the arcade and talked about art stuff, like how to do shading on living things, and what our favorite paint colors are (mine is alizarin crimson, his was a color I think is so ugly, yellow ocher).

I wish you’d been with us. I could feel you like a ghost all night. I wish I knew how you were doing.

Love,

Phoebe

Sunday after Thanksgiving

Dear Suze,

I am so sorry I haven’t had time to write! ! ! ! My mom and dad came on Wednesday and we’ve been doing family things, even my mom, who seems weirdly happy. She got a promotion at work, with a lot more money, and she always likes making more money. We ate like pigs and played a million games (I won Scrabble three times!) and hung out. Joel went somewhere with his mom, so I talked to him on the phone, but we didn’t get to go anywhere again.

I’m leaving the diary so you can read it and write in it, but PLEASE call me as soon as you can. Amma said you can use her phone and she’ll pay, no problem.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH! The good thing is, it’s only a month till Christmas vacation and I’ll see you then.

Love,

Phoebe

November 29, 19—

Dear Phoebe,

Joel told me he kissed you. I can’t believe you guys did that! Like I didn’t even exist. Like it didn’t matter that I was imprisoned in my room for the entire Thanksgiving vacation and no one even cares. You hung out with each other like I don’t even matter. I’m so so so so mad at you!!!!!

I’m not going to be in the play. My dad forced me to quit. I couldn’t stop crying when I told my teacher.

I’M SO MAD AT YOU!

Suze

[PAGE TORN OUT]

Dear Phoebe,

My dad imprisoned me for the whole week. It killed me that you and Joel hung out the whole time and painted and went to the beach and had fun and I was STUCK IN MY ROOM. I wanted to cut my hair but I was too scared, so I cut some ribbons in my skin, on my thigh, where my dad will never see them.