Page 23 of The Starfish Sisters

Beryl came out from behind the table and nudged Suze into a hug. “It’s all right, sweetie. Everything is going to be okay.”

A swell of unspeakable jealousy rose in my chest, warring with my wish to be empathetic. I loved Suze, and I hated that her life was so hard, but Amma wasmine, and now Suze was taking her. It wasn’t fair.

But at that moment Peter leaped on my hand, wrapping his paws around my arm and digging his tiny sharp claws into my skin, then thumping his back feet against me. It made me laugh. I picked him up and cuddled him, kissing his soft kitten self, happy that he would live here now and be safe and I could see him all the time.

Suze lifted her head and wiped her face. Even then, I knew she wasn’t crying over her cat.

In the modern day, Yul Brynner trills, and Jasmine laughs. I want to cry over both of those lonely girls, for everything they were about to lose.

THEN

MAYBEI’MAMAZED

October 12, 19—

Dear Suze,

The diary came today, so fast! I really liked reading your story, but I hate that your dad beat you with a switch. That’s not okay! I think that qualifies as child abuse.

So is Joel cute? Is he like a boyfriend or just a friend who is a boy?

I started my comic book project. Ms.Alexander is helping me plan it and make a storyboard. I made two friends in art class, and they’re coming over to swim on Friday night. My mom loves it when I have people over so she can do her big entertainment thing and make popcorn and buy root beer and play music over her precious sound system.

Honestly, I don’t always know if people like me for me or if they think it’s cool to swim inside. At least I know I can trust you. You like me for who I am.

That’s all for today,

Love,

Phoebe

October 16, 19—

Dear Suze,

I hate everybody but you. My so-called friends came over on Friday night but they didn’t talk to me the whole time. They only talked to each other. I didn’t even know what to do. My mom thinks it’s my fault, like I’m not being properly friendly, but what does that mean? I think they’re bitches and I’m not going to have anyone over again.

Except you. I want you to come to Portland and swim in the pool and eat all my mom’s snacks and wear a bikini.

I miss you so much.

Love,

Phoebe

October 28–30, 19—

Dear Phoebe,

I’m sorry about your party. I wish I could have been there. We would have had so much fun! But all those kids are stupid and I want to beat them up for you.

Just remember, you always have me.

I have so many things saved up to tell you I think it’ll take up more than one page.

My friend Joel readGO ASK ALICE, too, and he said it’s horseshit.

He’s not a boyfriend. He’s my friend. He has a lot of acne and he’s self-conscious and so it’s like me and my stupid clothes. We are the kids nobody else wants to hang out with. Or maybe that’s how itstarted and now we are actual friends. Last night, we stole some of his mom’s Kools and walked over to the house on the bluff (our house! Ha ha, like the song) and sat on the deck and looked at the stars for a long time, smoking. I like smoking, but I’m always afraid my dad will smell it, so I have to be outside.