Page 42 of Yours, For Good

A cold winter breeze blew through my hair. I turtled into my coat. If Javier already had a found family… what room was there in his life for an extra friend?

We turned right at the end of the third block. The large strip of ocean welcomed us from the end of the street. It didn't take us long to reach the sidewalk that ran alongside the narrow beach.

Brine and ozone reached my nose; the light snow from only fifteen minutes earlier had turned into faint rain.

Javier leaned on the railing overlooking the beach. If I watched him from afar, I'd decide he made for a moody man in a moody painting on a moody day. But I was close to him, and wondered instead at how he could have these people in his life and still give off this lonely vibe.

Maybe I wanted to see a lonely vibe, to feel closer to him. Like he could understand who I was, too, if we shared that one piece. It's not like we shared much else.

"How often do you see your friends?" I asked.

"A few times a year. As often as we can make our calendars match. We text almost everyday, though."

I mirrored him on the railing. The view was much different than on Halloween, when we chatted while overlooking the city.

"So…" I wet my lip and tried again. "So, when you say you spend a lot of time alone, is that… by choice? You're not that lonely?"

He gazed at me, a line between his brows. He took my question seriously, and it helped the ache I tried to hide behind my sternum.

"I do spend a lot of time alone. Not often lonely… but sometimes I wonder…"

His eyes dropped to my mouth. A tremor started at my feet and climbed up my legs. I didn't think there were many earthquakes on this slice of coast but, if not, then it was his eyes on my lips that had flutters overtaking my stomach.

Everytime I'd met Javier he was clean shaven, and that day was no different. It helped me see his gulp. I echoed him, a sudden tension in the space between us.

"What do you wonder?" I managed to ask.

"It changed— recently it feels different."

He licked his top lip in a way that shouldn't be as mesmerizing as it was to me. The quiver had reached my diaphragm, making it hard to breathe.

The line marring his brow deepened into a frown. He closed his eyes and turned to the ocean slowly.

"Different how?" I released a slow gust of air.

It took him a moment to respond, hesitation clear in his stance.

"Two of my friends are happily paired up. The third one will get there soon enough— we even know with whom— Gabe's sister. It's just a matter of time. Then I will be the only one… you know. Single."

"Do you… want to be?"

He shook his head. "It doesn't really matter. I don't see a way…" He pressed his lips. "I will be. It's fine."

"How come you're so certain?"

His blue gaze met my eyes again, a degree of exasperation shining in them. "You're infinitely curious, aren't you?"

"I thought you liked my two million and one questions."

"I do, until you're asking me about this one thing."

"Would it help if I told you I also think I'll be single forever?"

His eyes searched mine. "That's not poss— I mean, how would that help?"

"We can keep each other company. We could make a pact on it."

"A… pact?"