Page 45 of Love in Times of Contempt

She tracked his fingers as they easily undid the buckle. "No. They broke up a year after the film came out. They lasted a bit over two years together."

Liam's hands stilled; he brought his eyes to her. "Ana. Just because they didn't—"

"Ely is the most wonderful person I know. Anyone who knows her sees her shine. Yet she keeps having bad experiences, one after another. I made that film because I needed to understand dating again and, you know what I learned? That most of the time, it ends in nothing. Maybe pain. Shit happens. People are used to moving on, these days."

"Sure, some of them move on because they're jerks. Some move on because they're looking for what we have." Liam went back to her shoe, and took it off with ease. He placed her foot down and tilted back to the chair.

Ana's throat closed again with building tears. "Getting together with you last year was all about finding my courage. Being brave enough to risk it and say fuck it, I could be okay with the fear— but I can't say the fear ever went fully away. Last year I thought I'd experienced most of what could go wrong around us, but I didn't. Now I see the true cost. It's been a year and I… I'm here, still willing— more than willing— to take the risk but… when you brought up marriage I panicked a little. A lot. Because it means more than a day at a time— it means I know, somehow, that it's going to work for fifty years."

Liam leaned forward, elbows on his knees and hands linked in front of him. The tone of his frown had changed; he didn't seem frustrated so much anymore, but confused. "I told you. To me marriage means that we may not know… but we're going to fight to stay together. That we see each other as worth the hard work."

"And I want to do that! And I will but I… I guess… I'm terrified of this not working out." Tears filled her eyes. "If this doesn't work out, I don't think I could take it. My heart would break— irreparably."

He sighed. He reached for her hands and held them, big palms warm against her cold skin.

"You know…" Ana wiped a tear away. "Diana gave us a year. She thought we would have broken up by now. It gives me a lot of pleasure that we're still together."

He chuckled.

"And I thought…" she continued. "I thought that maybe in five years I'd build enough strength and time with you to forget this fear… this thing inside of me that tells me it's better to be prepared. Maybe ten. I planned to keep on going until it went away, to be honest."

He smiled and brought her hands to his lips. He kissed her knuckles. "And one day soon— a year or two, so that you don't panic on me again, relax— one day, I want to marry you so that you know I will be here. Until the end. Until you look at me and know I want to help keep your heart in one piece."

"I hadn't realized how unfair it is to you, that I kept that little box inside of me with fear."

"Ana, love… trust in us." His green eyes locked with hers, warm and inviting and confident. "Imagine us at 80, white hair, reading something on the patio… maybe a teenage grandchild is arguing with one of our kids because that's what teens do. That could be us."

She took a deep breath. "Yeah. It could."

"I don't want to get used to you pushing me away. Or pulling away."

She teared up, balling her hands on her lap. "I don't want to get used to that, either. I didn't realize I was doing it. Bad habits die hard."

"My heart would break, too. I know we don't need rings to prevent it but I… I guess I just love the symbol of it."

Ana leaned forward to rest her forehead on his. "I'm sorry, Liam. I know that there's not much sparkle in a director's life. That even though working with you means more people will know my name, no one reallycares. They still want you. I want to be okay with that. I'm just finding it hard being professionally invisible next to you, while completely exposed as a person."

"Reporters are sexist and they get distracted by the glitter. I thought I was helping by letting you handle them. I know you can speak up for yourself so I thought you would if you wanted to. I didn't realize you needed my help. I'm sorry. And your next project will be all on your own, and you won't have to deal with people like this again."

Ana sighed. "Just… please try to remember to include me in your answers. Give me a chance to speak for myself. And if I'm saying things without thinking that are hurting you… don't wait to tell me. I don't want to do that."

He nodded. "I will. And when my job makes it hard on you in any way, tell me. Ask me for help. Don't pull away."

Ana kissed his temple, his cheek, his lips. "I'm sorry, Liam. For all that it's mine to apologize for. This weekend is far from what I had hoped— we had hoped. First your brother, then these frigging reporters… then me. And a little bit of you."

He smirked, recognizing her teasing.

He squeezed her hands and sighed. "I'm happy to simply be your trophy partner for your next premiere."

She laughed. "That sounds grand. They can ask you questions about how it feels to attend as the plus one."

"I think I'd love that, to be honest."

She looked up at him. "I love you."

"I know."

Chapter Sixteen