Page 33 of Love in Times of Contempt

The panel started with general questions open to Ana and the other guests, all about the editing and directing process. They got to chat and compare processes, and the host did a good job at keeping the mood light. Laughing with everyone made her comfortable.

"The point is to convince the audience that they want to watch what you're offering. You need to know your niche to do that." Nina, another panelist whose clip they were discussing, said.

"Absolutely," Ana commented. "Convincing them they're lucky they're watching your film."

"When really, we're lucky they want to watch it!" Rossana added, and they all laughed.

"You've said many times, Ana, that you answer a question in your films. Tell us a bit more about that?"

"Sure, yeah, that's how I structure my documentaries. As I get to know the person, what is the number one question I have about who they are? About their life?"

"You must tag scenes heavily," Diwa, the last panelist, added.

"I do! I do." Ana gathered her hair and pulled it all over one shoulder. "It's almost like, the question comes as a result of the connections I make, then all the pieces of the answer form a… a… polygon?" They all laughed. "And I straighten that out to tell the story. The final edit is always about, a, making sure the story makes sense and, b, that it's gripping enough. If I want you to hear the answer, I need to convince you that you have the same question."

"That's a perfect segway!" The host said. "It's time for your clip. Can you tell us a bit about what we're going to see?"

"I decided to keep it simple and share the first three minutes of the film. You'll see Liam— " cheers erupted from the audience; Ana smiled. "I know, right? You'll see him in contrast: the Liam McMillan you know and the Liam McMillan he is when there are no cameras around… well, except for mine, as I could capture him."

"Sounds promising! Let's watch."

Ana knew what was going to show on the screen above the panel, but she turned to watch it regardless.

First, a warning: there would be flashes of light throughout the film, recommending precautions for photosensitive viewers. The screen faded to black for one, two seconds, before darkness was broken by multiple camera flashes, all lighting up the screen in quick succession. A shot of Liam on the red carpet appeared first, wearing an impeccable suit, captivating smile, and shining emerald eyes. Screams of fans and reporters vyed for his attention.

The screen faded black again, just for an instant, before scenes of him floating in the pool at his home filled the shot, quiet all around. Another scene, now of him lounging on his sofa, face uninterested. More flashes, then a series of superposed scenes of interviews he'd done drew the attention… Ana had had to pay the largest sums she'd ever paid for rights to use those in her film. The sequence ended on a wide shot of him walking alone alongside the cliffs of the California coast, tan, broad back bare, the ocean infinite to his side. He looked small. Before the scene ended, Ana's voice filled the space.

"He's extremely busy, all the time. From what I've gathered, if he's not filming on location, he has training and meetings all the time. If he's home, he'shome." Ana's face appeared on screen. It was a shot she'd recorded the day before they went on their road trip, right after arriving at his— now their— home in LA. "I saw him work today. Video and phone calls for hours on end. From a brief chat with his PA, this is just a tiny sample of his every day. No wonder he's said he barely leaves this place… and why it seems he put so much care in its design."

The scene changed once more, this time portraying a shot of Liam walking into the ocean. Ana's voice filled the room again. "He seems lonely."

A final fade to black, and the lights filled the auditorium in warm light again.

Ana's heart beat fast. While she expected the applause— was grateful for it— she was surprised by the murmuring that seemed to accompany it.

She turned back to the audience, her eyes tracking the space. Despite the shining stage lights hiding most attendant details, she'd recognize his size and presence anywhere. Liam leaned against the wall, a few paces away from the stage, and people noticed him there. Her gut reacted to him, too; for the first time ever, a flurry of mixed feelings made its way through her.

"He didn't stay alone for long, at least," Nina joked and everyone laughed. Ana smiled, ignoring the discomfort in her stomach.

"Wow, what a start!" The host checked his notes. "Thanks for sharing that. Can you tell us, how different was it to work with Liam McMillan than with your other subjects? You went from a teacher in the most remote corner of Australia, talking about resources and indigenous rights, to one of the most famous actors in the world. How do you even get connected with someone like him?"

"It wasn't easy to connect with Marlee, the teacher, either." Ana hoped her grin hid her displeasure at the question. "But getting to work with Liam involved a lot of luck. I was offered the opportunity and I took it right away. Aside from how fortuitous it was to meet him, working with him wasn't any different, really."

"How did you manage the romance between you two?" the host continued, his eyes sweeping over the audience as if they were in on the question. "Because, based on what you've shared about your process, you either had to include that in the movie or risk losing objectivity."

Ana curled a hand into a fist on her lap, hidden from everyone under the table. She kept her smile. "Liam and I have made a point not to discuss our relationship publicly, but I can say that we didn't get together until after we were done filming the documentary. In the movie itself, I left everything that was relevant to answering the central question. You'll have to watch it and make your own mind about whether you think you see romance there as well or not."

"We're professional," Diwa said. Ana turned to her co-panelist and prayed that, whatever she said, it helped to keep the conversation grounded in their work, rather than Ana's boyfriend. "This work is serious business to us."

"Absolutely." Relief sparkled in Ana's chest. "The material consequences of people's reaction to this film are magnitudes higher than any of my other films because of Liam's fame. Regardless of our relationship and when it started and whether it ever ends, even after we're gone, or done, this documentary will continue to exist because it'll exist forever. It exists before the relationship we have and will be there long after, even if it's in an archive box in a dusty corner of a library. I would never risk my objectivity."

Rossana nodded. "We care about our craft too much to risk objectivity, for whichever reason. Even a handsome man with piercing green eyes."

Everyone laughed, and the topic moved on.

Ana glanced around the auditorium; it seemed Liam had left the room. Relief made an appearance again, quickly followed by guilt: she'd never been glad to not have him near.

She didn't want to feel that way. And yet, when every other question she received was about Liam instead of her work as a director, the heavy weight of his fame impacting her settled in the pit of her stomach, full of jagged edges.