Page 21 of Beautiful Madness

In the back of my mind was thedark thought that if I tried hard enough, I could shift into Eli and take hissecrets—but two things stopped me. One, I had no idea how to be a shapeshifter,and even if I did, chances were I could only shift into animals. My birth motherwas an animal shifter. And two, even if I learned how to access that part ofmyself, did I really want to become that monster?

I did not want to be my birthmother’s daughter.

Ten minutes later Joe, Zach,Remy, and I were sitting in my car, discussing everything we’d learned. Andthat wasn’t a hell of a lot.

“One thing,” Remy said finally.“I picked up some tracks at the back of Jared’s house, but someone deliberatelymuddied up the area. There were two, maybe three people. If there was astruggle it wasn’t much of one, which tells me they controlled him almostimmediately. It also tells me it was people he trusted to get close to him.” Helooked at me, and the coldness in his eyes made ice slide down my spine. “And theystabbed him in the back. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s traitorous,back-stabbing motherfuckers. I look forward to helping catch them.”

“Even though you’re helpingsave a nonhuman,” I said.

“Even though.”

I gave him a nod, which hereturned. We understood each other.

“Let’s take what little we haveand go find Jared,” I said. “They may not have stashed him far, but they’llhave made sure he’s neutralized.”

“If you believe Eli knowssomething,” Joe said, “why don’t we grab him and torture the truth out of him?”

“Because,” Zach said, answeringfor me, “Eli is a wolf. He can take whatever torture we dish out and continueto keep his secrets. He would die before he’d confess.”

“And his secrets would die withhim,” I said. “We don’t want that. Besides…” I shook my head and blew out ahard breath. “I can suspect Eli all I want, but I don’t know the truth. Maybehe’s still loyal. He’s fucked up because of Lennon’s situation, but thatdoesn’t mean he’d have turned on his alpha.”

“Wouldn’t he be a little moreupset?” Joe asked. “I mean, if he thought his alpha had been taken and maybekilled, wouldn’t he be in a frenzy trying to find him? He just walks throughthe compound all calm and cold, and that right there is what makes me thinkhe’s guilty as fuck.”

“He has most of the warriorssearching around the clock,” I told him. “And Nell told me that he’d gone outto search as well, only coming back to sleep and eat. Eli isn’t an emotionalwolf and he’s not going to show anything he’s feeling—especially not to me.But…” I shrugged. “I still suspect him. And maybe that’s just me reacting andneeding someone to blame, but I don’t think so.” I opened my door and climbedfrom the car, and the others followed suit. “Let’s split up and search thewoods. Cell service isn’t the best deeper in, but you should be able to send atext if you need help or find anything.”

“I’ll hunt with you,” Joe said,sliding his machete into its sheath.

I only nodded, glad I didn’thave to tell him to stay with me. I hadn’t planned on sending him off to huntalone.

“How long?” Zach asked, hisface emotionless but eagerness blazing in his eyes. Zach was long since back tohis normal pre-vampire capture days, and nothing was ever going to light him uplike hunting.

“Until you find something,” Isaid.

He and Remy loped away, thensplit off and went in opposite directions. In seconds, they were swallowed bythe woods. Joe and I followed, and before I went too deeply into my wolf, Igave Joe the code. “Just in case,” I told him.

“I won’t let anything happen toyou, Kaity Bug,” he said solemnly and with complete sincerity.

I grinned. “Back at you, Joe.”Then I sobered. “I’m going to shift and hunt. If he’s in these woods, I’llcatch his scent better with my wolf’s nose.”

He nodded and took the slingbag I handed him. “I’ll bag your stuff and be right behind you.”

And then, I exploded into mywolf, eager, excited, and free. I no longer cared that Joe watched me—that washow much I trusted him. I had to restrain myself from running through thewoods, wild and carefree. Now was not the time for that. Now was the time tohunt. I wanted my alpha back.

“Lead the way,” Joe said,putting a hand on my back. “Let’s go find Jared.”

I absorbed everything aroundme. Sights, scents, sounds. I found Jared’s scent all through the woods. Theywere his woods and his scent lingered. I found his scent, but I did not findhim. He was not in the woods of Shadowfield.

Joe tossed my bag at my feet asI shifted, and I dressed in silence, my mood darkening as the day waned.

“Don’t let it get you down,”Joe said. “It’s early days, Kait.”

“I should feel him,” I toldhim, pulling on my boots. “I should feel my alpha.”

He turned to face me. “There’snothing?”

“Nothing.”

“Then ask yourself why thatwould be. What’s getting in the way?” He took a few steps toward me. “Whatwould make you not feel your alpha?”