Page 61 of Bold Mercy

Fuck that. I knew the truth. And I was damn sick of feeling like the pack was all that mattered and my worth or “goodness” hinged on their approval or rejection. Not just theirs, but the alpha’s.

“When this is over and things have settled down,” I murmured, and the words were only for myself even though I said them aloud, “I’m going back to my office, and I’m dealing with spirits and humans and the odd rogue nonhuman who needs me to kick his ass.”

“You’re a lone wolf with a mission,” Lennon said, and though she kept her voice light and infused with humor, I wasn’t fooled. “You’re better than us, and you don’t need anybody. We’re aware, Kait.”

She’d hated me from the very beginning. Or maybe she’d just been afraid. Either way, I’d had no idea. It was starting to seem like seers were all assholes. Except Lucy, who was a seer of sorts. If Lucy were alive.

Strangely reluctant to find out, I had to force myself to get out of the car after Jared climbed out and stood in the open doorway, waiting for me. I took his hand and let him help me out.

“You need to shift,” he said, when I sucked in a painful breath.

“As soon as I find Lucy and Ash.”

Before we started toward Rick’s house, Jared leaned into the open doorway. “Lennon,” he said, “do not leave this car.”

“Of course not,” she said, but there was a waver to her voice. Maybe she wasn’t as sure as she pretended. “Alpha,” she said, suddenly. “I know you won’t want to return my wand to me just yet, but could you keep it safe for me until you decide?”

“No,” I said immediately. “It’s not your wand anymore, Lennon. Its magic has crossed with mine, and we’ve accepted each other.” I had put the wand into the pocket of the too-large jacket I’d taken from the dead vampire, and I slipped my hand into my pocket to reassure myself that it was still there. Apparently I was the stealer of awesome weapons. I had nearly the same possessiveness over the wand as I did the demon blade. “Besides,” I added, “dead people have no need for weapons.”

She flinched. “I’m an angel compared to you. And Jared will see that. My pack will see that.”

But I was already limping toward the detective’s porch. Halfway there, though, Lennon’s words caught up with me. One word in particular.

Angel.

“Are you okay?” Jared asked, when I stumbled.

“Yeah,” I said. “A memory or…something. It’s nothing.”

“Kait,” Rick said, his voice gravelly.

He hadn’t turned on the porchlight. None of us wanted to draw attention to ourselves in these strange and dangerous times. He pushed open the door and then followed us inside the dark house, and only when he flipped a light on and then turned to face us did I get a good look at him.

He looked…bad. His face was dead white, his eyes dry and slightly protruding, and he was wearing a stubble and a rumpled, dirty suit. The same suit he’d been wearing at the mayor’s, and there were bloodstains on the left shoulder and down the front of it. The dark circles under his eyes were pillowy and purple, and his lips were flaking and colorless. He looked like he’d been sick for a very long time, yet I’d only left him a few hours ago.

“You look like hell,” he said.

He surprised a laugh out of me, but it sounded more like a sob. “Back atcha, Detective.”

“Rick,” Jared said, impatient, continuing to keep a grip on my arm, “Tell us what happened.”

Rick shook his head. “I don’t know. I was at Louis’s house, and then Kait called. The phone woke me up. I think I have a memory of the time between, but it doesn’t feel real.” He looked at me. “Did I hurt Lucy?”

I wanted to hug him, but I couldn’t. Not yet. I had to see Lucy first. “We need to search your house,” I said.

He only nodded, then stumbled to a chair and fell into it.

“Fuck,” I whispered. I doubted he’d ever be the same person he’d been before the vampires had gotten him, and that broke my heart.

But right now, I needed Lucy and Ash. They were all that mattered. “Lucy,” I yelled.

“I smell blood,” Jared murmured. “This way.”

A few seconds later, I caught the scent, as well. We tracked it to the staircase, and I knew as I stood at the bottom looking up that Lucy was upstairs. I didn’t know if she lived.

“Stay here,” Jared said, when I hesitated. “I’ll check.”

“No.” I grabbed the banister and hurried, as much as I could hurry in my current condition, to the top of the stairs. The first door I saw was closed, and there was a smudge of blood on the frame.