Page 131 of Own It

“It is your fault because according to you, part of the reason you chose me over Serene was because you liked me,” I recalled, loving the fact that he smiled and chuckled at my comment.

Bobbing his head to confirm, he replied, “I did. Just figured you’d be something nice to look at though. I ain’t intend for us to become . . . this.” He gave me his eyes now that we’d exited the freeway and were at a red light. “Glad it did though.”

“Me too.” I leaned over to peck him a few times before falling back into my seat. “No matter what he feels or says, I’m with you.”

My statement made him clutch my hand tightly, before bringing it to his mouth to kiss.

ELEVEN

lamia sellers

FIVE YEARS AGO . . . TWO WEEKS AFTER RAKIM’S RELEASE . . .

It was raining hard as ever as I pulled up to Rakim’s home. I could barely see on the way over here, and it was probably God’s way of telling me to take my ass back home, but, per usual, I didn’t listen.

Things with Ayan were cool, but I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Rakim. I was still in love with him, and while I liked Ayan a lot, it wasn’t the same.

Our bond wasn’t as strong as the one I’d built with Rakim, and ultimately, something was missing. Ayan made me laugh and was a shoulder to lean on while Rakim was locked up, but seeing Rakim in the flesh a couple weeks ago made me realize I wasn’t over him. Ayan had been a nice place holder, but it was nothing more. He may have been Rakim’s twin, but he wasn’t him. Hell, he didn’t even look like him much.

Typing in Rakim’s gate code that thankfully he hadn’t had time to alter yet, I pulled through the gates, nervous as all hell. He was pissed when he popped up on us and whupped Ayan’s ass, but I had to remember he wouldn’t have done such a thing if he had no feelings for me.

Parking, I gathered my things and made sure my hood was secured around my head before hopping out and rushing up to his door. Ringing the doorbell, I waited for a nice while before Rakim tugged the door open.

He looked good but sad. I’d never seen him like this, and it made me feel even worse for what I’d done. He didn’t say anything, and rightfully so, because I was the one who had shown up on his doorstep after ending things with him in favor of his brother.

“Can we talk?” I asked, trembling from how cold it was. It was six o’clock in the evening, so even without rain, it would be cold. The rain only worsened things.

He stepped back without a word, allowing me inside, and I had to shut my lids at the warmth of his home.

“What you need to say, LaMia?” he asked after waiting a good while as I attempted to gather my thoughts.

Truthfully, I didn’t know why I was here or what my plan had been. Ayan and I had a great day together with me attending his practice before we saw a movie and then having sex. However, I couldn’t stop thinking about Rakim and had been itching to see him. I figured we’d run into one another since I was still around the family, but he’d been a recluse these past weeks.

“I don’t know. I—I can’t stop thinking about you.” I looked up into his handsome but distressed face.

I’d never been to jail or prison, but I heard the latter was no cake walk. The times he and I spoke on the phone, he’d expressed to me the torture of being confined and never being able to really sleep because of his environment. It sounded terrible, and I figured coming home to your woman no longer being your woman probably made things worse.

He chuckled mirthlessly, running a hand down his face before walking off. I followed like the lost puppy I resembled.

As he pulled food from the fridge to assemble a sandwich, he replied while shaking his head, “I don’t know what you want me to say to that.”

I rounded the counter, so close to him I could smell the scent of his soap. He’d just showered because it was always this fragrant when he’d recently used it.

“Do you love me still?” I queried, crying for some reason I couldn’t quite articulate.

He paused, then said, “I got love for you, but I’ll get over it. Halfway there.”

His words were like a punch to the gut. He killed for me, so I guess I assumed his love would always run deep.

Running my hand up under his wife beater, I used the other to reach down and fondle his dick. He and Ayan were surely twins in that department, but Rakim was more than a big dick. He worked it well while Ayan felt just because he was packing, all he needed to do was put it inside of you.

I hated that I waited until after I ended shit with Rakim to fuck Ayan because I might’ve made different choices had I known the sex was lackluster.

Rakim remained silent as I dropped to my knees and took him into my mouth. I moaned, feeling him tap the back of my throat like he used to. He hadn’t said a word, and when I opened my eyes, he was just watching me suck him off, emotionless. He didn’t toy with my hair or cheer me on like usual, and his dick wasn’t as hard as it usually would be, but I didn’t give a damn. He’d need time to come around which made sense.

Picking me up after yanking his dick from my mouth, he carried me to the den, bent me over, and then reached into the small table drawer for a condom. Dressing his shaft, he pushed inside of me and started to pound me roughly. It was a lot at first, but eventually, it started to feel amazing. This was the sex I was used to, a little less rough, but still; the stroke game couldn’t be bought.

Just as I was about to cum, he pulled out of me, pissing me off.