Page 21 of Back to Square One

Her entire nervous system relaxed.

Something she’d discovered since her accident, since her time in the hospital and since her recovery: nature healed. Water. Sun. Earth. A year ago, she never would have considered herself even a little bit outdoorsy. She was a city girl. She liked stores that were close and rides that were easy to get, and camping was nowhere on her bucket list. Now? She still didn’t want to camp, but she did want to be outside. She tended to sit in parks. Wander along creeks. Read next to lakes. It centered her somehow, in some new way. Calmed her in a way it never had before.

Weird, that.

Sitting alone on the dock, sipping her coffee and listening to a gaggle of ducks near the shore turned out to be exactly what she needed, and by the time she finished the last gulp, Lizzie’s boat was chugging slowly toward her. Stevie smiled from the bow and gave her a wave, and Rowan’s heart warmed. Thank God for Stevie. What she’d done in some other life to deserve a bestie like her, Rowan had no idea. But she was grateful every single day.

“Hey, sexy,” Stevie called, then tossed the rope to her. She took up the slack until Stevie hopped onto the dock and tied the boat securely.

“Bitches on the dock!” was Lizzie’s greeting, and it made Rowan grin as she realized she was even happier to be there than she’d expected to be.

“You check in with your smother today?” Stevie asked with a grin as she tied the second rope.

“Oh, good call.” Rowan pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to let her mom know she was alive. Three seconds after she pressed send, the phone rang in her hand. She gave Stevie a look and an eye roll, and Stevie laughed softly and mouthed, Sorry!

“Hi, Mom.” She had to force herself not to sigh in dramatic fashion. “I’m fine. Promise.”

“I’d like you to text a bit more often, young lady.”

Rowan tossed another look at Stevie, then hurried up the dock to have the conversation in a place with a bit more privacy. She didn’t need her friends listening in on her nearly forty-year-old ass being scolded by her mommy. She waited until she was tucked into the storage space underneath the deck before she spoke.

“Mom. I’m fine, I said.”

“Well, how would I know? It’s not like you’re calling me. What if something happened? What if you just keeled over? Keeled over dead? Then what?”

This time, she did sigh. Loudly. “Ma. Seriously. Nothing has happened. I just drank my coffee on the dock. That’s my excitement for today. And if I happened to keel over dead, I’m pretty sure Stevie would let you know. And then you’d have to find a hobby because you wouldn’t be able to stalk your own grown-ass adult daughter.” Evie’s line from the night before suddenly came into her head. I love you, but you have to back the fuck off. She’d never say such a thing to her mom, but she was one hundred percent thinking it.

The silence stretched for a bit longer than usual, and she knew she’d likely hurt her mother’s feelings. She fought the urge to rush to an apology, as she normally would, but she also knew she wasn’t wrong. And on top of that, she knew that her mom was simply worried. She was an only child. It had been Rowan and her mom against the world for most of Rowan’s life. And she’d just had a huge health scare. It made perfect sense for her mom to be worried. Nervous. Scared. She could have lost her. She almost had.

Any time her thoughts meandered down that path, any anger she felt at her mother, any frustration also evaporated. How could she be mad at her mom for giving a shit what happened to her?

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. When there was silence, she tried again. “Mom. You still there?”

“I’m here.” Her voice was tight and a sigh filtered over the line. “I’m sorry. I just worry.”

“I know you do. I’m sorry, too. Ignore me.”

“I just need to know you’re okay.”

“I’m okay. I promise. I’ll be better about checking in. All right?”

“Okay.”

They touched on a few more quick things that mostly had to do with Kevin, but the conversation was tight and ended after just a couple more minutes. By the time she pressed the red button on her screen, any calm or relaxation she’d felt was gone, replaced by a low-key guilt that seemed to hum around anything that had to do with her mom lately.

“Mom driving you crazy?” The voice came from above her, through the wood slats of the deck over her head. Evie.

“Yeah,” she said as she trudged around to the steps and climbed them. Evie sat on a chair, a mug steaming in her hands. “You know how she is.”

“I do, but I’m sure she’s just worried about you.”

“She is. She means well. I know.” She wanted to sit in the empty chair next to Evie. She also wanted to run away.

“I imagine your accident makes her extra vigilant.”

“Or extra nosy.” Rowan instantly grimaced and closed her eyes, as she waved a hand in front of her like she was erasing a white board. “No. Forget I said that. That was mean. You’re right. She’s just worried.”

“I get that. She’s your mom.”