Page 148 of Cleopatra

“Yes,” I said. “Tomorrow, you have all been chosen to lead the battle. We have brought you here to honour you, for your names will forever be written in history.”

I feel shame now, for I cannot recollect the name of any of my commanders from that day. They died so I could live a few more months. An unworthy cause.

Some of the commanders began to cheer but the boy was frowning. “Why have you recalled my archers to land, then?”

I felt Antonius tense beside me.

“We do not need archers to best Octavian’s fleet,” I said quickly. “His ships are far smaller, our naval rams will be enough.”

This seemed to ease the boy’s worries and he joined in the growing cheers.

Antonius and I did not sleep that night. We stood on the bow of my ship and watched the sun rise.

“This was not the outcome I expected,” he said quietly.

“We have our health, Marcus. We have each other. And we have our children.” I leaned against him and he pressed his nose to my hair.

“That, perhaps, is the one benefit of this day. We will get to see our children very soon. I have missed them.”

“As have I.”

I thought again of the young commander. I was grateful Antonius stood at my back so he could not see the tears swimming in my eyes.

Guilt does not fade with time. Some feelings do, like anger and grief. Even the vibrancy of love loses its light, if not its warmth. But guilt? Its roots wrap around my soul, sometimes making my breath stutter.

“This is not the end of the fight,” Antonius said.

“It cannot be, for Octavian will never allow Caesarion to live.”

“And so, Octavian must die,” he said firmly, and my heart swelled.

I turned to face him. “Thank you for loving me, Marcus.”

He smiled then, and it was as if the sun had appeared from behind a cloud. “There has been nothing easier or simpler than the love I have for you.”

When he kissed me I felt his tears mixing with mine on my cheeks.

Soon we would be parted. I would be in Egypt working on defences, while he would go on to Cyrene to bring back the legions we had secured there.

“Can you not come home to Egypt with me?” I whispered into his ear.

“You know that is what my heart desires. But we need the infantry in Cyrene if we are to have a chance of defeating Octavian in Alexandria. Any delay leaves us vulnerable.”

I knew he spoke sense.

“You will be with me always,” he said, and he reached into his tunic and withdrew a small wooden figurine.

I laughed as I recognised the small carving of Dionysus that I had chosen for him in the market.

“Take it and place it next to your heart,” he said.

My hand went to my neck and I removed the ivory knife I had worn since the day the hakawati had tried to kill me.

“As long as you will wear this,” I said.

He knew how much the necklace meant to me. I pressed my lips to the sheath before looping the chain over his neck. Then I took the figurine from him and placed it in my dress above my heart.

“In life or in death, Marcus, I will see you again,” I said.