Page 137 of Cleopatra

“I want to try,” Selene said, running forward.

“You’re too young to fight,” Caesarion declared.

“No, she’s not,” Helios declared. “And neither am I.”

We were in the throne room, a place where now more laughter rang through the halls than petitions.

Courtiers still moved in and out of the palace, along with the royal scribes, but the running of Egypt was a much smoother process than it had been in recent years.

“Look, a harpoon!” Caesarion cried. It had been hidden behind pallets of fruit sent from Crete. “Can we go fishing?” he asked.

Antonius and I shared a smile. “I think a family hunting trip would be a worthy day out,” he said.

The twins’ little feet pattered excitedly. I hadn’t been half as vigilant with their hunting practice as I had with Caesarion’s.

“Let us go,” I said.

The next day we set sail into the heart of the bay, north of the harbour. The twins played with fishing nets, often scaring away the prey Caesarion was trying to capture with his harpoon, much to his frustration.

“I’ve caught something!” Helios cried. After a day of no catches, we were all excited as he began to haul in his net.

He struggled and so I went to join him, Antonius at my side.

“It’s big,” I said. “Maybe a grouper.”

“I bet it’s a bass,” Caesarion said with a touch of jealousy.

“Then we will take pleasure in its sacrifice tonight,” I said.

But what we pulled onto the deck was not a fish at all.

“Isis protect me,” I muttered, my knees falling to the deck.

Glinting in the sunlight was a gold breastplate.

“Theos,” I whispered, running my hand over the intricate engravings. Then I gathered it up, net and all, with strength I shouldn’t have had, and threw it back into the water.

As it sank back beneath the surface, I vomited.

I was pregnant once more.

—

I was halfway through my fourth and final pregnancy when the floods came. The rains brought about much celebration and feasting.

I enjoyed this pregnancy much more than the twins’. I was not bound to my bed and could still partake in my children’s upbringing. The twins proved to be harder to keep in line than Maahes and Bastet, who had each gone on to have cubs of their own. Selene had been caught stealing weapons from the armoury to practise in her bedchamber. It was only when I investigated the lumps beneath her covers that I discovered two daggers, three gladii and a bow and arrow.

Helios, not to be outdone, attempted to do the same the following night. But instead of stealing from the armoury, he pilfered from the kitchens. It took me many days to discover the source of the rotten smell, and finally he revealed the roast duck’s hiding place himself, sickened by the aroma of his crimes.

I loved being a mother. But I was not motherly. I loved them deeply, fiercely, but I did not naturally nurture. It was a skill I learned from necessity, for I wanted to give my children everything I could. Beneath my children’s earnest gazes, I became tender.

“Let us make them new crowns,” I said to Charmion one day.

“They have hundreds already,” she said, laughing.

“But Selene suggested quartz—”

“Your daughter manipulates you to get her way.”