Page 58 of Spar of Hearts

She’d never made her cry before.

“You want me to be the perfect Princess-servant. The friend who never says no. The lady-in-waiting who lives and breathes for you alone. Well I’m sorry for disappointing you, My Lady, but people aren’t always what you expect. The least you could do is dig beneath the surface once in a while. Do you even know what I’ve been doing with Sir Oshfeldt? Do you even care?”

“Tell me!” Anya cried.

The braids framing Blackbird’s face whipped as she whirled around. “Why? Why should I? What difference will it make?!” Her tattooed throat bobbed with every word leaving her worrying lip. “It’s nothing that benefits you. So forget it.”

Fear surged up Anya’s spine as Blackbird opened the door, as though she would disappear through it and never come back. Never. Never.

“I’m sorry,” Anya pleaded.

“If you’re sorry, then prove it.”

Anya stared at page three hundred and twenty-six of Aquillan Myths and Legends like her life depended on it. Cramming words into her brain was the only thing that kept her from darting after Blackbird. Her friend needed space. Disrespecting that desire would only further Blackbird’s point. She’d been stuck on this chapter for at least an hour, maybe two. Reading comprehension came second to Blackbird’s stinging refute playing over and over in her head. On the plus side, her mind was so crowded with anxiety over their fight that she could hardly picture Roderick’s harrowing glare.

The seabirds were quiet. The only sound was waves slapping against the creaking ship. It had to be close to dinner time.

Her stomach growled as if to answer. It seemed cruel for her body to be so demanding when she wanted nothing more than to hide under the covers for days. But life had to go on, and pouting would do her no good.

She slapped the book shut.

Prove it. I can prove it.

Anya navigated the hall to the galley, followed only by the shadow where Blackbird usually strode beside her with a smile.

Was that fair? She was always trying to buck the shadow cast by the throne. Why wouldn’t Blackbird do the same?

“Good evening, Your Highness!” Annette chirped. “Cod and potatoes tonight. Bernard caught them this afternoon. Er, the cod, not the potatoes.”

Anya chuckled weakly and accepted the plate with a thank you.

As she surveyed the tables, Blackbird lifted her head from a heavy tome, then smiled shyly and waved her over. It was an olive branch she didn’t deserve. The chair squeaked against the floor as Anya took a seat.

It was awkward. She’d never had to think this hard about conversing with Blackbird. It always came so naturally. If she asked about Sir Oshfeldt now, it would seem disingenuous. If she didn’t, she’d seem callous. So she went for the middle ground.

“What are you reading?” Anya asked, prodding her plate.

“Idris Idyllia’s Guide to Charms,” Blackbird answered, with noticeably less enthusiasm than usual. “I’ve been studying magic with Octavio.”

There was no textbook called Digging Beneath the Surface, but this was as good a time as any to try it.

“Can you do any?” Anya asked, taking a bite of roasted potato. It seemed flavorless until Blackbird smiled and spoke.

“Well, I can’t do any on my own yet. Sir Oshfeldt shares his mana with me so I can see how the charm feels in my body. It’s supposed to help me do it on my own eventually.”

“You will. I know you will.” Anya smiled at her friend, then scratched her throat. “If there’s a mage you wish to study with, I will support you wholeheartedly. I was being selfish before. Or, most of our lives, I suppose. I’m just so used to having you with me, Bee. I can’t imagine life without you. But I never want to imagine a life where you feel stuck with me. I want you to be my friend, first and foremost. So…”

Anya swallowed back tears. “Whenever you want to go, and wherever that may be, I’ll be the first to cheer you on. And cry. Probably the latter.”

Blackbird nearly turned the table over as she launched across to hug Anya.

“It means the world to hear you say that,” Blackbird said. She smiled so broadly, Anya could feel the heights of her friend’s cheekbones. “I’m afraid you’re still stuck with me for now, as your friend and your lady-in-waiting.”

“I’ll keep you as long as I can.” Anya chuckled the welling tears away as Blackbird settled back into her seat. Anya leaned forward. Curiosity was getting the best of her. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “As my friend, tell me. What does mana sharing feel like? Is it…romantic?”

Anya felt like she was seventeen, giggling in the arcade of the palace with Blackbird as the eligible noble folk were announced. She wanted all the details.

“He does kiss me,” she said, hiding her blushing cheeks in her hands. “It’s just to start the mana circuit though,” she added, a little disappointment flashing across her face before she shook her head. “But that’s not the point. His mana, that raw, magic energy…Oh, Anya, it’s incredible. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on that my whole life. Having that much mana coursing through me…I wish I could feel that all the time.”