Page 55 of Spar of Hearts

“Roderick. Roderick. Roderick.” The name felt foreign on his tongue. He tried to imagine Granddad saying it to him, but all he could hear in his mind was “Perce! Perce my boy!” He shrunk down and accepted the paper from Mum.

“What about me?” Vivi asked quietly.

Cassian retrieved the next paper and read it aloud. “Millicent. Isn’t that pretty?”

Vivienne stared blankly at the back of the parchment for a long moment, then tore into the woods, her curly red hair flapping behind her.

“Vivi!” Cassian shouted. “Vivi, come back!”

Andrei chased after her, but Roderick was faster. He busted through sticks and thickets, following the snapping noises up ahead. Little scratches peppered his neck, arms, and cheeks, but he kept going. His chest began to burn just as he reached a clearing. Oak trees rustled together overhead, their branches shadowed against the moonlit clouds.

A little sniffle drew his eye to the left. Vivi—or Millicent, he supposed—was curled up in a hollow tree trunk, tawny hair curtaining her face.

“Are you hurt?” Roderick asked, drawing closer.

Millicent looked up and shook her head.

“I want to go home,” she sniffled. “I miss my—m-my friends…” She hicced a sob and drew in a sharp, dry breath.

“I’ll be your friend,” he said, squeezing in beside her. She buried her face against his shoulder.

“What if they find us?” Millicent whispered.

“They won’t.” Roderick hugged her tight. “I’ll never let anything happen to you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Roderick murmured, pressing his face into Yomira’s warm scales.

I’m here, Roderick. I’m here, she rumbled.

The wyvern glided just above the crystal waters. She didn’t trust him with any more height. And that was wise. He couldn’t trust himself anymore either. If someone had asked him, the loyal knight of months past, if he’d even dream of yelling at a woman, the Princess no less, he would’ve been appalled.

Only a monster would do that.

“I shouted at her,” he said, voice cracking. “I shouted at Anya.”

Why? Yomira asked.

“She thinks I don’t care.” His breath hitched. “Divine, Yomira. I wish I didn’t care. I wish I didn’t care about Millicent. Balcott. Petorus. My family. My people. The crew. This mission. The wolf-masked woman who still nips at my heart. That infuriating, pompous wolf of a princess. If I didn’t care, my life would be a whole lot easier.”

Would it be a life at all? What if no one cared about anything?

“It’s too much, everything I feel. I thought Anya was someone she wasn’t. That should’ve been the end of it. But when she came up to me with those harvest moon eyes, I was reminded of her. I just lost it, knowing she wasn’t her. That I’ll never have her. Never see her again.”

He exhaled a shaky breath. “Why did she run from me, Yomira?”

Roderick stared down at the seas as they passed below. The glassy surface broke up as rippling rings dotted the surface.

Raindrops pattered onto his hair and face, ebbing away at the haunting memory of his granddad’s death.

“I had a mask on, but I kept nothing from her. She thought nothing of my species. She never asked about my station. We had no obligation to each other. And yet, she danced with me. She laughed. She smiled. She inspired me to kick off my shoes and feel the clover beneath my feet. She said there was more to a man than the deeds he does. For the first time in my Divine-forsaken life, I felt untethered. Unchained.” He sighed.

So what happened?

“I got swept up in the passion. For a moment, nothing defined me. I was just a man. No one was relying on me. No one needed me. But she wanted me. She wanted to breathe me in and whisper in my ear. She tasted of wine and berries, and smelled like the first spring breeze. I was ready to lose myself with her. But doing anything more without her name felt…it felt wrong. I didn’t want her to be just another—” He abandoned the words. It was too shameful to say aloud, even if Yomira already saw it in his mind. He cleared his throat. “She deserved better. So I told her my name, and she ran.”

He rested his forehead on the wyvern’s neck. “So much for being more than my deeds, huh?”

Yomira rumbled beneath him. It seemed to be her way of consoling him when she had no words. It helped. Only a little, but it helped. His emotions kept spilling out.