Page 93 of Locke

She disappears down the corridor to Patrick’s office and I pace back and forth.I think about the first time I walked into this building, when Portland was a question mark and Patrick Rowe was just the latest in a series of owners who’d decided I was worth the risk.I think about the months since and everything that has happened inside this building.I think about Livia Cross standing in a dark parking lot last night, refusing to look at me and telling me she can’t keep doing this.

She’s right.

She’s been right about most things, and I’ve been making her pay for it.

Last night was a shit show and a revelation at the same time.I think of all the times I’ve succumbed to my rage and realize all those reasons were just plain dumb as fuck.Because when I came out of the performance facility and saw Livia’s ex grab her wrist, there’s no describing the inferno of blind fury that raced through me.I realized right then that I’d never felt true rage before.I’d never truly felt for anyone the way I did for Livia, including myself.My own internal pain was nothing compared to the emotions coursing through me when I saw her in peril.

Luckily, that bastard has a glass jaw and went down fast.The police were there for two hours obtaining statements and documentation.Grant regained consciousness and after EMS checked him out, he was cuffed and hauled away.

I watched them put him in the back of the cruiser and felt nothing that I’d call satisfaction.

What I felt was colder, more specific than satisfaction.I’ve spent all these years managing my anger and last night, I finally let it off the leash for the right reason.

I’m still not entirely sure what to do with the aftermath.

Livia gave her statement on the far side of the parking lot.

She didn’t look at me and I didn’t push it.

Van stood with me while the officers wrapped up, close enough for conversation, far enough to give me room.He’s good at knowing the geometry of a situation… where to angle himself.

“So that’s the woman who has you all torn up,” Van finally said, the ring of understanding a little embellished.

I was waiting for it and there was no sense hiding it.“Yeah… she’s the one.”

I told him everything, including my history with Adam.I told him every detail so he would have the absolute full story, not only what has driven my rage for all these years but more importantly how I think I fucked up majorly with the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Van listened without interruption, without reaction, and when I finished, he was quiet.

Then he said, “You knocked a man unconscious for her.”

“He had his hands on her.”

“I know why you did it.”He looked at me.“My question is whether you know what it means.”

I didn’t answer that.I suspected but didn’t know how to express it.

“Because in my experience,” Van said with the tone of a love guru, “men who have decided they don’t care about someone don’t run across parking lots like that.”He dipped his chin, looked at me pointedly.“They just don’t.”

I looked at the access road where the cruiser had gone.“She told me to stay out of her life until I figured out what I want.”

“And do you know what you want?”

I looked over at Livia talking to Jimmy, who came out to offer moral support and to give the cops access to the camera feed.“Yeah… I know.”

Van nodded once.“Then get your head out of your ass,” he said and walked back inside.

Janine reappears, pulling me out of my memories.“Patrick will see you now.”

I head back to the boss’s office and find Patrick at his desk.He’s wearing a charcoal dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up.It’s barely eight a.m.and he’s hard into it.

He looks at me with a smile.“What can I do for you, Locke?”

“I need to tell you something important.”

He blinks in surprise and motions to a chair.“All right.”

I lower myself down, hands gripping tight, and don’t hesitate to get it off my chest.“I have a personal relationship with Livia Cross.”