Page 75 of Certified To Handle You 2

I wiped the tears from my face and started gettin’ dressed. Renza ain’t ask me what I was doin’ ‘cause he already knew. Normally, he would’ve stepped in front of the door, took my clothes or done whatever he could to stop me from leavin’, but this time he kept gettin’ dressed too.

All the new clothes he bought me was spread all over the place, but I ain’t touch none of it. I put on what I had wore when I first came here and grabbed my purse ‘cause I ain’t want Renza thinkin’ I was takin’ his gifts after tellin’ him I couldn’t give him what he wanted.

He grabbed his keys from the dresser and walked out the bedroom without sayin’ shit. I followed behind him, fightin’ theurge to call his name ‘cause I knew if he turned around and pulled me into his arms, I might fold and go wherever he told me to go.

The ride to my mama house was so quiet that every sound inside the car felt too loud. Renza kept both hands on the wheel and stared straight ahead while I sat in the passenger seat lookin’ out the window. Tears kept fillin’ my eyes, and I wiped ‘em away before they could roll down my face ‘cause I ain’t want him to see how bad this shit was hurtin’ me.

Every few minutes, I looked toward him, hopin’ he would say somethin’ or at least glance my way. He never did.

When he finally pulled in front of my mama house, he put the car in park and kept his eyes on the windshield. I sat here for a second with my hand on the door, waitin’ for him to stop me or tell me he ain’t mean what he said.

Renza stayed quiet…

I swallowed the lump in my throat, opened the door and stepped out with my purse. He ain’t look at me when I closed it, and by the time I made it halfway toward the porch, his car was already pullin’ away from the curb.

I stood here and watched until his taillights disappeared down the street. Then I unlocked the front door, walked inside and dropped my purse near the couch.

The second I sat down, everything I had been holdin’ in finally came out. I buried my face in my hands and cried ‘cause I loved Renza enough to want to run after him, but I also loved myself enough to know I couldn’t let him decide my whole life for me.

Trill-Land, Jungle Estate

Weeks later…

A couple months ago, my wife had my baby and damn near lost her life bringin’ her into this world, and that shit had been sittin’ in the back of my mind ever since.

It ain’t matter how many times the doctor told me Pluto was healed or how many appointments she went to where somebody checked her body and said everything looked good. I was the one who watched all that blood come out of her. I was the one who stood in that hospital hallway while they rushed my wife away from me and left me holdin’ the baby she almost died havin’. Ain’t no doctor in this world know what that shit did to me, andthey damn sure couldn’t tell me when I was supposed to stop thinkin’ about it.

For years, Pluto kept tellin’ me she wanted to get on birth control, and I kept tellin’ her no. I ain’t want that shit in her body ‘cause I had heard too much about what it could do to women, and in my head, I was protectin’ her.

I ain’t trust nobody puttin’ hormones inside my wife and waitin’ to see how her body reacted. Pluto would get mad and tell me she was the one havin’ these babies, and I would still stand on what I said ‘cause I ain’t think nothin’ could happen to her as long as I was around.

Then she gave me three babies back to back, and the last one almost took her away from me.

I had to live with the fact that Pluto had tried to tell me what her body needed, and instead of listenin’, I moved the way I wanted ‘cause I thought I knew what was best for her. I ain’t mean to put her in danger, and I would never do shit to hurt my wife on purpose, but that ain’t change what happened.

My dick kept puttin’ babies in her, and her body kept carryin’ them ‘cause she loved me and wanted the family we was buildin’. By the time I understood how much that shit was takin’ from her, I was standin’ in a hospital wonderin’ if she was gon’ make it home.

Pluto was on birth control now, and I ain’t say one word against it. I went with her when she got it, asked the doctor every question I could think of, and made sure I knew every side effect they said she could have. I stayed on top of her appointments, watched how she was eatin’, and paid attention to anything she said felt different ‘cause I wasn’t lettin’ nobody overlook nothin’ when it came to her.

The doctor had cleared her to have sex weeks ago, but I had been stayin’ away from that part of our marriage. It wasn’t ‘cause I ain’t want my wife. Pluto could walk past me in some old shirtand a pair of panties, and my dick would still get hard ‘cause that woman ain’t never had to do much to turn me on. She was the finest woman I had ever seen, and it wasn’t just ‘cause her face was pretty or ‘cause her body had filled out in places that made it hard for me to keep my hands to myself.

Pluto was beautiful ‘cause of everything she carried inside her, and the way she loved people made her look even better to me.

That woman took care of four children and somehow still found a way to make all of ‘em feel special. Zurie had been ours so long that I ain’t even think about the fact that we adopted her. That was my daughter, and I loved her from the first day she came into my life without ever makin’ her feel different from the babies that actually came from me.

Then Prestyn and Kaylon came behind her, and now Isley was here needin’ somebody every few hours ‘cause she ain’t care if the rest of the house was tired.

I would watch Pluto move through the crib with Isley on her chest while one of the boys was askin’ for somethin’ and Zurie was tryna tell her about her day. Somehow, Pluto heard all of ‘em.

She would answer Zurie while fixin’ Prestyn a plate, tell Kaylon to stop climbin’ on some shit, and pat Isley’s back until she burped.

Sometimes I would just stand there and look at her ‘cause I ain’t understand how she did it without losin’ her damn mind.

To me, Pluto was a superwoman, but I knew she ain’t feel that way right now.

I could see the difference in her even when she tried to hide it. Some days she was herself, talkin’ to me, laughin’ with the kids, and movin’ around the house with that soft energy that made everybody want to be near her. Other days she would get quiet and look tired before the day even started. She would sitwith Isley in her arms and stare off while she slept, and I could tell her mind was somewhere else even when she told me she was fine.

Postpartum was startin’ to kick her ass, and Pluto ain’t know how to ask nobody to help her ‘cause she was used to bein’ the one who helped everybody else. I started payin’ attention to the small shit ‘cause she wasn’t gon’ come to me and say she was fallin’ apart. She would just keep pushin’ until she couldn’t, and I wasn’t lettin’ her do that no more.