Page 27 of Certified To Handle You 2

I got out the bed, grabbed my clothes and started gettin’ dressed ‘cause I ain’t see no reason to stay there arguin’ with him. I already felt guilty enough about Couture, and I wasn’t about to add another long, drawn-out fight to the mess I had created.

Renza refused to let me leave, though.

Every time I tried to move around him, he stepped in front of me. When I reached for the door, he caught my arm and pulled me back while swearin’ I was makin’ shit bigger than what it was. He kept tellin’ me Reni was sick, and he was only supposed to take her some herbs from his mama, but none of that changed what I heard.

I finally told him that if he ain’t let me walk out that room, I would never speak to his ass again. That got through to him enough for his hand to fall away from me, but it ain’t stop him from followin’ behind me as soon as I stepped into the hallway.

By the time I made it outside and ordered an Uber, Renza was already dressed and comin’ out the hotel. He went straight to his car, pulled around and waited without even askin’ where I was headed. Once the Uber pulled up and I climbed inside, his crazy ass followed us all the way to Toni and Kay’Lo’s mansion like he had already decided there wasn’t nowhere in Trill-Land I could go that he wasn’t gon’ find me.

Then we got out at the gate and started arguin’ all over again.

Now I was inside Toni’s house, walkin’ toward the room that used to be mine while my face felt tight from all the tears I hadcried. My head was hurtin’, and my body was sore enough to remind me of every bad decision I had made since I been on this damn island.

The crazy part was, none of this was supposed to happen.

When I got on that plane with Couture, I had every intention of enjoyin’ my trip, spendin’ time with my family, and then goin’ right back home with the man I chose. I kept tellin’ myself that me and Renza was over and that enough time had passed for both of us to finally move on. Clearly, I had lied to myself.

No matter how many times I tried to close that chapter, Renza always found a way to pry that muthafucka back open. Every time I got around him, I forgot all the speeches I had practiced in my head. I forgot every promise I made myself. I forgot every reason I had for walkin’ away, and somehow I always ended up right back in the same place I swore I wasn’t goin’ back to.

That shit frustrated me ‘cause I wasn’t weak, and I ain’t never been weak… especially over no nigga.

Then Renza came into my life, and he made me question every bit of confidence I had in myself.

I hated how easy it was for him to get through to me. I hated that my heart softened the second he looked at me a certain way. I hated that whenever he wrapped his arms around me and apologized, a part of me wanted to believe every damn word that came out his mouth, even when my common sense was beggin’ me not to.

That was the part I hated admittin’ to myself.

Renza made me feel shit I had never felt before, and no matter how many times I tried to convince myself I was done with him, my heart never seemed to get the message. It wasn’t just about the sex, even though that nigga knew exactly how to make me lose every bit of common sense I had. It was the way he loved on me, the way he handled me and the way he lookedat me like no other nigga ever has. When everything between us was good, it felt too damn good.

But then there was the other side of him…

Renza ain’t have no middle ground. Everything with him was black or white. He loved hard, protected hard, fought hard and somewhere along the way, he stopped knowin’ where love ended and control began.

Every answer couldn’t be threatenin’ to kill Couture just ‘cause he wanted me back, and that was the part I couldn’t make peace with. Couture had never done shit except love me, and no matter how confused I was about my own feelin’s, I would’ve never threatened to hurt Reni ‘cause of mine.

If Renza loved you, he expected you to love him with that same intensity. If he wanted somethin’, he chased it until he caught it. If somebody got in the way, his answer was always to get rid of the problem instead of dealin’ with it.

That was the part of him I couldn’t fully accept…

That was the part Renza refused to see. Every time he talked about killin’ Couture or swearin’ he was gon’ get him out the way, it pushed me further away instead of bringin’ me closer, ‘cause why the fuck would you wanna kill an innocent person?

It was one thing to kill a muthafucka who try you or the family, but another to just kill somebody that has never crossed. I’on know y’all… the shit is bizarre if you ask me.

I understood him wantin’ me back. Hell, I even understood him fightin’ for me. But threatenin’ a man who had never done nothin’ to him wasn’t love to me. It was just another reminder that whenever Renza got emotional, he stopped thinkin’ about anybody but himself.

No matter how mad I ever got, I would’ve never threatened Reni I would’ve never wanted another woman dead ‘cause she loved the same nigga I loved. That just wasn’t love to me.

I finally made it into the bedroom and closed the door behind me before walkin’ straight into the bathroom. Soon as I looked up, my reflection caught me off guard.

My mascara was smeared under both eyes, my hair looked a damn mess, and my lips was still swollen from all the cryin’. I looked like I had been through it, and if I was bein’ honest with myself, I had.

I stood here starin’ at my reflection for a long minute ‘cause no matter how bad I wanted to, I couldn’t lie to the woman lookin’ back at me.

I was in love with Renza…

That was the part I hated the most…

I could wash my face, lay my hair back down, and put on a whole new face of makeup, but none of that was gon’ change what I saw in my own eyes.