Page 150 of Certified To Handle You 2

That was probably the hardest part. Every piece of me wanted to get on a jet tonight, knock on Sha’Nelle’s mama’s door and make her look at me until she remembered what we was.But I had already spent too much of our relationship movin’ before I thought.

This time, I needed to show her I heard everything she had been tryna tell me.

I needed the house handled, the apology right and every loose end in my life closed before I stood in front of her. I couldn’t ask Sha’Nelle to trust me while Reni still thought there was a chance or while I was livin’ like the same nigga who tossed that nigga in a trunk ‘cause my pride got hurt.

That ain’t mean I regretted showin’ him who had more power, though.

I just understood now that scarin’ Sha’Nelle wasn’t gon’ make her feel safe enough to love me.

“She always give in to me eventually,” I said while lookin’ between my cousins. “I know she love me. I just gotta stop givin’ her reasons to run before she get a chance to stand still.”

Pressure’s eyes stayed on me. “And if she say no?”

“She ain’t,” I replied without hesitatin’.

Kay’Lo sighed and shook his head. “There go that delusional shit again.”

“I know what my soul want,” I told him. “And I know what hers want too. Sha’Nelle just got a habit of lettin’ fear talk louder than everything else.”

Pressure gave me a look. “Or she might really tell yo’ ass no.”

“Then I’mma ask again later.”

Kay’Lo laughed and looked toward Pressure. “See why there ain’t no point in talkin’ to this nigga?”

I ain’t give a fuck what either one of ‘em thought. They had they women and understood what it felt like when one person became attached to every plan you made for your future. Pressure had damn near died behind Pluto, and Kay’Lo had gone through hell for Toni. They knew love ain’t always come wrapped in good decisions.

I slipped the ring box into my pocket and leaned back against the couch.

If Sha’Nelle agreed to marry me, this wasn’t gon’ be another promise I made in the middle of emotion and forgot once I got comfortable. It was gon’ be the start of me buildin’ my own life and doin’ it with her.

I wanted a house with her name attached to it.

I wanted mornin’s where I reached across the bed and found her instead of another cold pillow. I wanted to hear her complain about my shit all over the floor, argue with me about what color we should paint a room and tell me I was gettin’ on her nerves before climbin’ into my arms at night.

I wanted every hard part too…

I wanted the arguments, the compromises and the moments where I had to listen instead of forcin’ my way through. I wanted to learn how to love her without makin’ her feel trapped by it.

Marriage had never made sense to me before Sha’Nelle but I realized I had never met nobody who made forever sound better than freedom. Now freedom ain’t feel like shit without her.

I looked toward Pressure and Kay’Lo while they started talkin’ about what I needed to have in place before I went after her.

I had the ring. Now I needed to build everything around it.

When I finally stood in front of Sha’Nelle again, I wasn’t only gon’ tell her I loved her and expected that to fix what I broke. I was gon’ show her the life I had created space for, explain where I went wrong and make it clear that she wasn’t walkin’ into somethin’ already built. We would build it together.

I ain’t know exactly when I was goin’ to her city yet, but I knew one thing for sure.

The next time Sha’Nelle saw me, I wasn’t comin’ to drag her home.

I was comin’ to ask her to build one with me.

Greystone City

Two weeks later…

It had been two and a half months since that whole situation with Renza, but I was still with Couture.