Page 147 of Certified To Handle You 2

Pluto wrapped her arms around me and held me close, her legs still around my waist while the candles burned and the ocean breeze moved through the room.

I kissed her again, then again, and kept lovin’ her the way I should’ve been all along. And I ain’t stop, not even when my body was tired, when hers got sensitive or when the night stretched on around us.

I stayed right here with her, with my dick buried deep inside her, makin’ love to her while everything we had been through faded in the background. ‘Cause after all that distance, all that pain and all them nights we turned away from each other, I finally had her back under me.

And I wasn’t lettin’ her go again.

Trill-Land

Two months later…

Two months flew by like it wasn’t shit, and I still ain’t heard one word from Sha’Nelle.

Not a call, a text or even one of them slick lil’ posts she knew I would see and understand was about me. She blocked my number, blocked every page I had and made sure there wasn’t no easy way for me to get close enough to bother her.

At first, I acted like I ain’t give a fuck ‘cause I was still standin’ on what I did to that nigga she kept throwin’ in my face. Far as I was concerned, ‘Nelle should’ve never called him a better man than me if she ain’t want me to test that shit.

I ain’t kill him. I ain’t shoot him, and I ain’t leave him somewhere he couldn’t be found. I took his ass from his apartment, put him in the trunk of his own car and delivered him right to the woman who thought he was so much better. In my head, that was me showin’ restraint.

Kay’Lo told me the situation had fucked her up bad, but that ain’t make me feel guilty. She knew who I was before she ever let me touch her. She knew I ain’t play about her, and she knew callin’ another nigga better than me wasn’t gon’ sit right in my spirit. I held on to that for weeks ‘cause it was easier than admittin’ I had done some shit that pushed her even further away.

The first couple weeks, I stayed mad.

Every time I thought about her blockin’ me, I reminded myself that she was the one who reached out to Reni and blew up shit that ain’t have nothin’ to do with her. She had a whole nigga in Greystone, but she still went diggin’ through Reni’s page, sent her videos of us and threw every private thing I ever told her into that woman’s face. Then she wanted to act shocked when I reacted.

I kept tellin’ myself Sha’Nelle started the shit. That worked until the anger wore off and all I had left was the fact that I missed her.

I missed that woman so bad that sleep ain’t even give me no relief. Damn near every night, she showed up in my dreams. Sometimes we was back in Greystone at the Airbnb, laid across the daybed with her body against mine while the sun came up. Other nights, we was in Trill-Land, and she was walkin’ through the mansion like she had always lived there. I would reach for her in my sleep, wake up with my arm stretched across the empty side of the bed and have to remember she wasn’t nowhere near me.

That shit started gettin’ under my skin worse than bein’ blocked.

I could drink enough to make my body heavy, smoke enough to quiet my thoughts for a lil’ while and stay outside until the sun came up, but none of that shit lasted. Soon as I got back to the mansion and everything around me got quiet, Sha’Nelle came right back into my head.

I would lay there thinkin’ about the way she laughed when I said some dumb shit, the way she rubbed my beard when she was lovin’ on me and how her whole body softened when she finally stopped fightin’ me.

I ain’t touched Reni again after that mornin’ everything blew up either. She sent long ass messages for weeks. Some of ‘em started off mad, then changed into hurt before turnin’ mad all over again. I ain’t read most of the shit ‘cause I already knew what she was sayin’. She wanted answers I ain’t have and a version of me I couldn’t give her no more.

I cared about Reni. I always would. We had too much history for me to act like she meant nothin’, but bein’ around her kept leadin’ us back into the same confusion. She wanted to rebuild what we had, and I was only there ‘cause I was tryna fill whatever space Sha’Nelle left behind. That wasn’t fair to Reni, and it damn sure wasn’t helpin’ me.

So I stopped…

I stopped callin’ her, goin’ by her condo and stopped entertainin’ anybody else who thought they could get close enough to distract me. Women still approached me when I went out, but I ain’t have the patience for new conversations, fake chemistry or somebody askin’ me why I was quiet every five minutes. I ain’t wanna learn another woman. I already knew the one I wanted.

Since Sha’Nelle shut every direct door in my face, I started gettin’ information through Kay’Lo.

I ain’t like askin’ nobody about my woman, but pride had already left me sleepin’ alone for two months. At that point, I needed to know she was good more than I needed to pretend I ain’t give a fuck.

Kay’Lo would hear shit through Toni and give me whatever he thought wouldn’t start another problem. He told me Sha’Nelle was still in her city, still helpin’ with they grandma and still spendin’ time with that nigga. He ain’t say she was happy, though. Every time I asked, he gave me the same look like he was tryna figure out how much he should say.

“She don’t talk bad about him,” Kay’Lo told me one night while we sat outside the mansion smokin’. “But Toni say ‘Nelle sound like she just goin’ through the motions.”

“What the fuck that mean?” I asked while passin’ him the blunt.

Kay’Lo took a pull before answerin’. “It mean she ain’t cryin’ every day or sayin’ she miserable. She just don’t sound in love when she talk about him.”

That was enough for me.

I ain’t take it as proof that Sha’Nelle was somewhere waitin’ on me. Still, I knew that woman. When Sha’Nelle really wanted somethin’, there was life in the way she talked about it. Even when she was mad at me, her feelin’s came through every word. If that other nigga was truly everything she wanted, I ain’t believe she would sound like she was simply doin’ what made the most sense.