Page 21 of To Regret a Raven

Her right eye twitched sporadically as she turned her attention back to a bemused Maverick, who was mouthing “iceberg” to himself with a thoughtful scrunch to his brow, and apologized. “I’m so sorry, but I’m going to need to deal with this. Text me later, and we’ll figure out the fair details—if you still want to go.”

Then, without another word, she shoved Fisher out of the bench, dragging him through the front door and around the building. Drie kept him goose-stepping until she slammed to a sudden stop at the graffiti-covered dumpsters marking the employee entrance. She rounded on him there, planting her feetwith fists on her hips. Somewhere beneath the layers of guilt and regret, his subconscious acknowledged how ridiculously adorable she was in her anger, and the awareness made his fingers itch to hold her.

“What the hell was that, Fisher?” She exploded. “You didn’t have the right to come in there, to be rude to Mav, to speak for me, to say any of that shit.”

“I know, and I am sorry. Genuinely. I feel like I’ve been going crazy without you. I know it’s not an excuse. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done. It’s just an explanation, which is one of the many things I owe you. I haven’t been thinking straight for weeks. Since the night I lost my mind and then lost you. That alone should’ve told me enough, but I didn’t figure it out until I drove back home this morning and Connor explained it to me.”

“You’re not making any sense. Connor explained what to you?” Drie asked, letting her curiosity get the better of her.

He smiled down at her.How did I miss this before?It was like coming home, standing there before her. She’d never carved out pieces of who he was, as he’d once imagined, but she’dbecomea part of him. The voice of reason in his mind, the breath of hope in his lungs, the sense of direction driving him forward. All the best parts of him were irrevocably intertwined with her. Fisher had lost himself in her absence, but he understood now what it was, guiding him back to her. Not addiction, not obsession, and certainly not fucking friendship.

“Love,” he answered.

Drie scoffed, turning to walk away. He sidestepped into her path, taking the full weight of the glare she settled on him.

“I know how it sounds, but I’m serious. We never got a chance to meet each other’s families. But mine is mental. Love was loud and crazy and physical. Not like domestic-violence physical, but they were expressive to the extreme, and yelling was the default for any problem. They always said that coupleswho fought it out stayed together. So I dated Rena for, like, six years through high school, thinking it was just a matter of never giving up. And I’m just now learning how much that fucked me up, because apparently, we had a super toxic relationship that I thought was normal up until about three hours ago. Becausesheis a firecracker, and I’m an iceberg, and those are bad opposites. But you’re a raven, and ravens are good opposites because they cohabitate with the icebergs. And that doesn’t make sense to you.” Fisher shook his head, knowing with one look at Drie’s face how severely he was butchering his opportunity.

He stepped forward, grabbing her hands lightly and ducking his head to speak eye-to-eye. “The important thing to understand is that IthoughtI didn’t have feelings, because being with you brought me peace, and in my experience, love hasneverbeen peaceful. Love was supposed to be anxious and painful. It was supposed to be really low lows followed by super high highs. But now, I’m learning that some people—like my parents or Rena—actuallyenjoythat drama, but it’s just not my style. It never was.” He sighed. “It took losing you for me to see that love can mean different things to different people. We can choose our own definitions, and Drie,youare my definition. I’m so sorry, more sorry than you can imagine, that hurting you is what it took for me to wake up from my stupidity.”

She was already shaking her head, her face closing off in the same way it had the night he ended things.

“You’re only saying all of this because you miss having me around.”

“Of course I miss having you around. You are the best thing I ever had. I miss everything about you.”

“No,” she said. “I mean that you have a small circle, and losing a friend makes a mark. You miss having a companion in the evenings. A listening ear. A convenient fuck,” she added with a note of bitterness, then continued when he moved to interrupt.“I’m not saying you don’t miss me as a person, and you may even have realized that you loved me in that capacity, butin love? No.” She pulled her hands free and took a step back, letting her arms fall to her sides. “Somebody who is in love doesn’t end things the way you did. They don’t pull the crap you pulled afterward. When you love somebody, you consider their needs. I don’t want indecision. It may be dumb in your eyes, but I’ve told you already, I want true love.”

“It’s not dumb at all. I waswrong, Drie. But I’m telling you, I am certain, down to my bones, that you’re the one for me,” Fisher finished fiercely.

She looked away, back toward the busy street and the cars flying up the nearby overpass ramp. “I don’t believe you,” she whispered, her voice betraying her own sorrow, yet firm in such a manner that brooked no argument.

“I know.” He stopped himself from stepping forward, hesitant in this vulnerable moment, yet aching to brush a loose curl behind her ear. “But I’ll prove it to you.”

11

EVERMORE

Drie eyed Fisher warily, weighing his words. She was furious, even though she knew it was a cop-out. She knew that the anger was fueled by a bone-deep hurt, but it was easier to be angry. She welcomed it, pushing down the sorrows and letting her blood burn.

“You told me about your family, but do you have any idea why I never took you to see mine?”

Fisher straightened, surprised by the change in topic. He shrugged. “It crossed my mind, but I know they live a lot further away than my family does. And there weren’t that many opportunities.”

Drie had made eight trips home while they’d dated, not counting the day they had broken up, but she didn’t point that out. “I didn’t take you home with me because my sisters loveso hard. I never went into much detail about how we all came together. Mainly because the stories are awful.” She crossed her arms as she eyed him. Drie hated dwelling on the past and the nightmares it contained, preferring to live in the present. Which was the reason Fisher only knew the general details, such as thefact that she had four sisters, or that she’d been raised by her grandmother.

“We all share a birth mother who considers drugs the priority in her life,” she spoke quickly, ripping off the metaphorical Band-Aid. “And as far as ourfathers, Jeden’s died in the wreck that handicapped her, Sam’s is in prison, Nellie’s is absent, Rosy’s was a cruel, evil man, and mine…Well, he just up and left. Woke up one day and decided he wanted more…”than me.She trailed off, letting the words go unspoken.

Her eyes found his once more, crystals colliding with steel. “But the disappointing circumstances with our parents only served to bring us closer. Grube and Jeden worked every day to give us a good life and a safe home. And since the one thing we all desired most was the one thing we were denied by the only two people who were supposed to give it unconditionally, we chose not to be like those who turned their backs on us. We chose to love freely, without reservations or judgments, and to share that love wherever there’s a space for it. So I knew that if I took you home with me, my sisters would get attached. And I knew it would break their hearts if we didn’t work out. And now, I’m worried about the example I have to offer. I don’t want to set a precedent that we settle for less. That we need to beg to be loved in return.”

Fisher’s eyes never left hers, his own blazing with the revelations she offered. “You never have before, and you never will. If anybody begs between the two of us, it will be me.”

Drie shook her head, frowning, “I don’t want that. But I don’t trust this turnaround. It’s been more than a month. Amonthsince we broke up. And you’re saying you just had this realizationthis morning? You’re a smart man. You can see how this looks.” She waved a hand up and down. “It’sconvenient. You already asked me once to fake it. I think it’s as simple as the fact that you miss me and you want your friend back. And I thinkyou want it badly enough to try to convince me that you feel things you don’t. Hell, you may have even deludedyourself. But if I were to give in”—she paused—“I’m staring down the barrel of yet another broken heart. And I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I have it in me. Especially not when I have my sisters to consider as well.”

“I’m not asking you to jump back into a relationship with me. Though, don’t let me give you the wrong impression, thatismy end goal. But for now, I’d be happy if you just let me text you. Or even share a breakfast? Maybe spend a little bit of time with me on a trial basis. Let me build some of that trust back?”

Drie had already told him before that she couldn’t be friends when she desired more. Did his saying the feelings were reciprocated make a difference?No,she thought,it still sucks.

Fisher must have read the expression on her face because he spoke up suddenly, anxiously. “Don’t answer me now. I’m not asking for any effort on your end. Right now, I’m just asking for you to unblock my number. Not to write me out of your life completely. That’s all. I’ll take it from there. And if you change your mind, you can just block me again.”