Page 33 of Keystrokes and Kittens

I pressed a hand to my chest. “No.”

Slowly, he nodded. “There’s time to say goodbye. Dr. Malcolm waited for you. But there’s no going back. Look, you need to speak to him.”

The technician had stepped from the vet area and into the waiting room. They gestured. “Come with me.”

I pressed my fingers to my lips. “I don’t think I can.”

Soren moved to me. “You don’t have to. He’s not in any pain and Dr. Malcolm can help him go.”

With a cry, I fell into his arms.

He held me tight.

I sobbed.I can’t do this. I can’t lose him. But if Dr. Malcolm says he can’t be saved…More importantly, Soren seemed to agree.He wouldn’t be saying this if it wasn’t the only option.Pain gripped my heart. Slowly, I pulled back.

Soren wiped my cheek.

“I should say goodbye, shouldn’t I? I owe him that.”

“He would understand if it’s too painful, Sam. You love him. We both do. There’s just…sometimes love isn’t enough. I can try to explain, or Dr. Malcolm can. He’s much better at this than me.”

I blinked. “And the others?”

“They’re fine and healthy. Dr. Malcolm says it’s not an infection or a virus. That sometimes…kittens don’t thrive. That all the love and care in the world isn’t enough. He said it might be some other things—” He frowned.

“A congenital kidney issue and megaesophagus.” Dr. Malcolm’s deep, but quietly reassuring voice broke through. “They’re things we don’t look for in initial exams because they’re so rare. At this point, even if we knew, it’s not realistic to try to keep him alive. I’m sorry Sam, but it’s time.”

Tears filled my eyes. “I should say goodbye.”

“Then you need to come now.” He gestured to a closed exam room door.

I gripped Soren’s hand.

He squeezed it back. “I’ve got you, Sam. I’ll always have you.”

Of course he didn’t meanforever.Because that wasn’t possible. But he meant for now. For this moment. Maybe even for the length of time it’d take to get Peaches and Jack hearty, healthy, and huge.

My heart squeezed. “Okay.”

We followed Dr. Malcolm into the exam room. Peaches and Jack were snoozing in their crate while Carlos lay still, coveredin a blanket except his little face. He was so damn still. “Oh God, am I too late? I raced here—”

“No, he’s hanging on. But barely. It’s time.”

I knew that. I understood that. Still, as I hovered my hand over him, I just couldn’t fathom my life without him.

Soren wrapped his arm around my shoulder and held me close.

With that support, I petted Carlos one last time. “I don’t think—” My breath caught. “I can’t…not when…”

“We’ll take good care of him.” Gently, Dr. Malcolm picked up the blanket. He disappeared into the back.

Again. The uncontrollable sobs were back. “I failed him. Soren.” My voice broke. “All I had to do was keep him alive…and I couldn’t even do that.” I gestured to Peaches and Jack. “I don’t think I can do this. I’ll fail again and they’ll die and—”

“Shush.” He pressed a kiss to my temple, even as he held me tight. “We’ll get through this. I promise. We’ve got Peaches and Jack to take care of. That won’t make up for losing Carlos, but we can honor his memory by ensuring his siblings live their best lives.”

Dr. Malcolm entered the room. “It’s done.”

“Do you need anything else from us?” Soren gripped me tightly.