Page 97 of The Incredible Ordinary

I’m the one who suggested him going on a date in a rush of panic, but that was just because it seemed like the lesser of two evils at the time.

I don’t really want him to go. Even the idea makes me pissed off. At myself. For putting the thought in his head.

I’m a fucking dick.

A dick who can’t stop obsessing over him.

It’s a lovely new personality quirk I’ve developed.

I want him, but that’s all it’s going to remain—an attraction. I will not risk losing this friendship. It’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, and I want to keep it. Beingsomebody he experiments with is an expressway to fucking things up between the two of us. It’s a rare display of self-control on my part, because I want him. Of course I fucking want him. But that’s not the point.

Fucking hell, I barely manage to keep my own attraction to him hidden. Hearing him suggest he’s thinking about exploring it? I barely managed to keep my head on straight.

This friendship of ours is the closest thing to a real connection I’ve let myself have in forever, and keeping it means keeping our boundaries.

I’ve never gotten why people bother with love anyway. It’s not like it lasts.

No, this is good. The way things are between us right now. It’s good.

But still, once I stop concentrating on not staring at him, I end up doing just that. My eyes drift to him with no input from the little amount of common sense I might possess.

“You look nice,” I say now that I’ve actually allowed myself to take a proper look.

Not that he usually doesn’t, but this is definitely a level nicer than usual, even for Jordan.

He looks down at his dark blue pants and white button-down. A few buttons of his collar are open, and the sleeves are rolled up. His hair looks different, too.

He’s off limits, and it’d do me some good to get that through my thick fucking skull.

He clears his throat and doesn’t look at me. “Yeah. Hey, I was thinking maybe you could swing by my place on your way home and make sure Theo gets back safely?”

“Sure,” I say slowly.

I wait.

Wait until my hands turn clammy and my pulse violent.

It feels like I’m waiting for my execution.

He sighs.

“I’ve got this thing,” he finally says. He throws me a quick look and then glances away. “A date kind of thing,” he mutters.

Some part of me already knew, and yet it still comes as a surprise. An unpleasant one. Deeply unpleasant. It’s a hollow pit opening in my stomach that makes the air taste metallic. A whisper in my ear that says,this should be you.

I make myself smirk at him.

“A hot date?”

He gives an awkward shrug, and I get a crash course in the difference between imagined reality and the real thing.

My stomach drops like I’ve missed a step. My jaw tightens, and my teeth feel like they’re welded together. Bitterness curls underneath my rib cage. It’s not poetic or noble. It’s just an ugly wave I can’t get away from fast enough.

I watchJordan talk to Theo, quietly enough that it’s not audible over the noise of departing kids and parents after the end of practice. Theo says something that makes Jordan chuckle and ruffle Theo’s hair. Jordan drapes his arm over Theo’s shoulders, and they make their way over to where Rory and I are standing.

“Thanks for this,” Jordan says, and looks at Theo. “I’ll see you later, kiddo.”

Theo nods distractedly, already in the middle of a conversation with Rory that seems to mostly consist of elbowing each other and snickering.