Page 96 of The Incredible Ordinary

I was relatively sure about what I wanted before this conversation. Now I’m sure, but also hesitant, because I don’t think I’m directing my interest at somebody who’s also interested in what I’m offering.

I bet it’s a good sign that I sound so self-conscious even in my head.

“So? Chloe?” Milán nudges my shoulder. “She’s cute.”

I make myself nod. “Yeah. She’s nice.”

I really hope I don’t sound as unenthusiastic as I feel.

Neither of us seems to know what to say after that, so we sit in silence until we hear barking from somewhere. I sigh in relief when Theo, Rory, and Dog round the corner.

We say our goodbyes, and I can’t get inside fast enough.

Theo pounds up the stairs.

I lean my back against the door.

I blow out a breath.

I can’t seem to get myself to move for the longest time.

MILÁN

By the next Wednesday,decent fall weather has been replaced with days of rain, and on one nasty occasion, sleet, so soccer practice moves to an indoor field in Crown Heights. It’s considerably warmer, so I’m not even going to complain about the longer commute.

Jordan caught a cold, so I haven’t seen him in a week, and frankly I’m not sure if he’s actually sick or just avoiding me, but today, when I make my way through the few rows of seats, he’s here.

I could lie to myself and say I don’t notice how good he looks. It’d be the smart thing to do.

But I notice the fuck out of him.

My heart does a familiar, ridiculous stumble as I take him in. There he is, head bent over his phone, thumbs moving in small, absent arcs.

I’m never going to admit it out loud, and I’m not even quite sure how it happened, but I’ve memorized the exact curve of his jaw and the way it tenses when he’s concentrating on something. The way his brows draw together—not sharply, but gently.

He shifts in his seat, one leg stretched out just a little too far, ankle rolling lazily.

He’s sitting on the second row, scrolling on his phone, completely lost in whatever it is he’s doing. He doesn’t seem to notice me at all, perfectly oblivious. When I tap him on the shoulder, he jerks so hard he loses his grip on his phone, and it clatters to the floor.

“Shit,” he says, blinking at me like he’s just been startled awake.

I raise my brows at him and push away all the inconvenient feelings.

You can’t have him.

You’re not going to ruin this.

“You look like you’ve been caught looking at porn.”

His eyes widen, and he scrambles to pick up his phone. “What? No! Here? I wouldn’t. I wasn’t.”

“That was a joke. Obviously not a very good one.”

He blinks at me. “Oh. Ha.”

I throw myself into the seat next to him, and he keeps taking covert glances at me while weighing his phone in his palm.

It’s been a week since we had our conversation on the front steps of his house, and mostly things have gone back to normal. He hasn’t shown any interest in Chloe, and in a total dick move on my part, I’m relieved. To an extent I refuse to admit to myself.