Page 156 of The Incredible Ordinary

I stare at him, and I try—God do I try—to behave like everything is fine. Somewhere inside me, I know I should take a moment and think about what I just learned calmly.

I can’t seem to, though. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

Instead, I spin on my heel and make my way to the door.

“Jordy.” I hear Milán’s voice behind me, but I can’t stop. I need to get out of here. I need some fresh air and some distance.

“Jordan!”

I push the door open, and then I’m outside. Fresh air hits me in the face for the second time in the last little while, and I lean forward for a bit and gulp it in before I straighten myself up and turn around, just in time to see Milán barrel through the door.

He stares at me, eyes darting, squinting, scanning for clues.

He hesitates, brows furrowed, a look on his face like his brain has just hit a speedbump.

“Umm,” he says. “What just happened?”

I try to breathe. I tell myself to be calm, discuss this rationally.

“You’re leaving?” I say, too loudly. People stop and stare. Somebody slams into me.

Milán grabs my arm and tugs me out of the way.

I step back against the wall and glare at him.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Aiden told me about your deal. Here for a year and then you’re free to go.” I hold my breath while I wait. Mentally begging and pleading that he’ll tell me that was a misunderstanding. “You didn’t figure that was something you could’ve told me?”

He has the fucking balls to roll his eyes. “First of all, Aiden is drunk. Secondly, we haven’t talked about this since that first day in Gerard’s house.”

That might be true, but it goes in one ear and out the other because it’s not fucking important at all right now. Not now, when my heart is racing like crazy, and I can’t figure out how to stop feeling so much.

“Oh my fucking God,” I snap. “Yeah, that’s what’s important right now. Drunk brain and loose lips. Was he supposed to hide it? When were you going to tell me?”

He shakes his head slowly. “There was nothing to tell. At least not yet. Look, I don’t?—”

“That’s good to know. Great. I get it. I don’t matter enough for you to tell me your plans. Cool. So the idea was to just head out when you felt like it, and I bet someone would have mentioned it to me, too, eventually. Awesome plan. I see no faults in it whatsoever!”

I’m freaking out. It’s a wave that crashes over me, and I have no way to stop it. I can feel the icy claws of fear closing around my throat, the roots of despair digging themselves inside,pushing out any logical thought or understanding there might’ve been.

None of this over-the-top reaction is on Milán. None of it should be. It’s me. I’m the problem. Somewhere deep inside, I know it, but right now that knowing is coated in a sticky layer of panic so thick I can’t see a way out.

Milán grips my forearms and looks me straight in the eye.

“It was last summer when I had this conversation with Aiden. A lifetime ago. I haven’t thought about it in forever.”

I still can’t seem to get enough air into my lungs. “You should’ve told me!”

“Okay,” he says placatingly. “Yes, I should have.”

He doesn’t say he’s changed his mind. He doesn’t say that it’s not in the cards anymore. He doesn’t say things are different now. He doesn’t say any of it.

“When are you supposed to leave?”

“I’m not. I haven’t made any plans.”

“Sure. Not yet, right? So we can have some more fun. That’s good. Considerate.”