Page 71 of Criminally Yours

Strike

For the last four hours, Millie hadn’t said anything, just stared at her phone between twisting her fidget tangle.

They’d taken a longer route to avoid motorway cameras and had barely spoken when they’d taken a comfort break in a layby.

Several times, he’d nearly stopped the car and pulled her onto his lap. He should have asked Cameron to guard her instead. She wasn’t safe when he was like this.

“I told you last night that one of the reasons I left was because I didn’t think I was good enough for you,” he stuttered. He’d tried to protect her from the past, but he couldn’t control her emotions any more than he could his own around her.

She hesitated, staring at him before replying, “Which is ludicrous, but I understand a bit better why.”

“Your family didn’t think I was good enough, either. Your brother told me to stay away from you, and your mum treated me differently the closer we got,” he said. “The only way I saw you having the future you deserved, while also ensuring myparents were okay, was by leaving. If I stayed, you’d ruin your future trying to be with me, a stupid jock who didn’t deserve you.”

“I wish you’d shared some of that with me.”

“So do I. The mistakes of a teenager.” His laugh was strained. “I joined the army to become a man fit for your future, someone your family would accept, and if not, someone with enough money to provide for my parents and for you.”

“You were enough for me.” Her heart thundered in her chest as she rested her hand on his thigh.

“I couldn’t believe that. I was so damn impulsive. But within a day, I knew I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. I nearly returned, but it was your reaction to the letter that stopped me. Or the reaction I was told about.” He croaked on the last sentence.

“Tell me about it. I still don’t understand how I didn’t receive it.”

“As I left, I posted a letter in your letterbox, explaining what had happened, saying sorry, and that I’d always love you. When I messaged Bear a day later, he said you’d asked your brother to return it ripped in two, with the words, ‘Never speak to me again.’ It convinced me there was no coming back. I’d burned my future down by running away.” Strike spoke faster and faster, his chest heaving.

“I never received a letter. I wouldn’t have reacted like that if I had. I was angry, but I wanted you back with me.”

“I’m so sorry, Millie. I’m more sorry than you’ll ever know.”

“You need to stop blaming yourself.”

Now she sounded like his counsellor. He didn’t want to be someone she felt she had to fix. She was always caring about others. He wanted to be the person who cared for her.

But even though his feelings for her had never changed, hecouldn’t say the same for her. She was still keeping big secrets. And even if he let her in, he couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t hurt her again.

He kept people at a distance for a reason.

Maybe they could just be friends.

“I can see the sea,” Millie said softly.

The mid-afternoon sun glinted off the water. Colours were more vivid here, from the spring green fields they waited by as cars passed them on the narrow roads to the blue skies with wispy clouds slowly drifting across them. Millie opened the window and took a deep breath.

“I’m excited to see the house,” Strike said, forcing himself to relax. He fixated on her hand still casually resting on his thigh, calming him. “Stal, aka Jonah, said his garden has a gate at the bottom to the beach, and we’re a short walk from the cliffs and a small town. We won’t be able to go far, but maybe we could go for quiet walks.”

“That would be nice,” she replied softly. “I don’t want to feel trapped.”

“Me neither, wife.” He laughed awkwardly.

“There’s a weak link in our story. The neighbour and anyone we meet will think we’re lying or you’re a crappy husband.”

“Why? I’m great at undercover ops.”

“You forgot a ring.” She waggled her ring finger. The salty scent of the sea travelled through the car.

“Check the memory box under your seat.”

She eyed him suspiciously as she reached beneath it, grabbing the shoebox. Sparkles from the glitter twinkled on her skin as she ran her fingers across the top before opening it.