Page 38 of A Most Favourable Match

Her cousin truly was the most stupid man she had ever met.

∞∞∞

“Mrs Bennet, please, I must again beg a few minutes of your time,” Mr Collins implored. He trailed forlornly after Mrs Bennet as she emerged from the parlour, letter in hand and an expression of pleasant distraction on her face.

I allowed a full ten minutes for Mr Collins to regain his senses, if he has any, and yet here he is again, Elizabeth groaned inwardly as she hung back in a doorway and watched this scene playing itself out.

“Do stay in the drawing room and take some tea with the officers, Mr Collins,” Mrs Bennet urged, barely troubling herself to look back at him. “I’m sure you will be missed by the girls. Another letter from the Dowager Countess of Grantchester has arrived for me and requires my fullest attention. I really must write back quickly on the colour scheme for flowers and bridesmaids.”

“But, Madam, my concern is of the utmost import,” he protested, red-faced and obviously pained by her disinterest.

“Then you must speak to Mr Bennet,” she replied decisively. “He is the head of the household, you know. He is usually in his library at this hour.”

“Mr Bennet does not seem to be in, and the library is locked,” Mr Collins pointed out. “I have knocked and knocked. No one seems to have seen him.”

“Then there’s nothing I can do, is there?” Mrs Bennet returned, growing even less patient. “If you have knocked and got no answer, there is little point in my repeating it, is there? Now, I shall go to the drawing room. Go and join the other young people and —”

“Mrs Bennet, I wish to marry your daughter,” Mr Collins pronounced dramatically. He fell silent and looked at her expectantly, waiting for an enthusiastic response with obvious assurance.

“Do you?” she asked with a frown. “You had not given that impression, Mr Collins. Mary has said nothing…”

“Again, Mary!” he exclaimed irritably. “Why does everyone keep trying to talk to me about Miss Mary?”

“Well, then, if you won’t have Mary, and with Jane and Lizzy being off the market, you may marry Lydia or Kitty as you prefer,” Mrs Bennet told him bluntly, “only do sort it out yourself. I am very busy.”

As Mrs Bennet walked past Mr Collins, ignoringhis further supplications, he tried to follow her but tripped on the rug, only narrowly keeping his balance.

This small accident was received with an unexpectedly loud volley of giggles and guffaws. Elizabeth and Mr Collins both realised belatedly that the parlour door had been partly open and a group of laughing girls and young men now stood there. Jane appeared behind them a few moments later, an expression of dismay on her gentle face.

“You really had better try Mary, Mr Collins,” Lydia told their cousin with great mirth. “She is the only one with a taste for sermonising. I think it is the most boring thing in the world, don’t you, Kitty?”

Utterly humiliated in the sight of both his young cousins and the officers of the militia, Mr Collins turned the colour of an overripe tomato. His brows knitted deeply as he finally observed Elizabeth watching too, from over near the staircase.

“I have never been so insulted in my life!” he declared angrily, almost shaking with the injury to his dignity in a way that Elizabeth supposed could not bode well for the Bennets’ future.

“Mr Collins, do not be hasty,” put in Mrs Bennet, having belatedly come to the same understanding as Elizabeth. “I am sure that Lydia and Kitty meant no disrespect.”

“Their intent is very plain, Madam, and that of their parents too. Three of your daughters have declined my hand, although I offered it only to Cousin Eliza. You have made it clear that I am not welcome—”

“Elizabeth?!” Mrs Bennet exclaimed in astonishment, pulling a face that seemed likely only to provoke Mr Collins further.

Thankfully, at that moment, Mary and Charlotte Lucas swept in from the hallway, the former having spotted their neighbour in the lane a few minutes earlier and gone to fetch her in for tea. Overhearing only the final exchange with Mr Collins, Charlotte looked astonished at first but then recovered quickly, with her usual good sense and practicality.

“Mr Collins, I called to say farewell to Elizabeth and Jane. However, my parents also wished me to remind you that you are very welcome to dine at Lucas Lodge. If you would care to dine with us tonight, you might accompany me back there now.”

“What a good idea,” Mrs Bennet rushed in with artificial cheeriness. “Sir William and Lady Lucas would so appreciate your company, Mr Collins. Just as much as we do, I am sure.”

“Thank you, Miss Lucas. I shall fetch my coat and hat,” responded Mr Collins, barely even looking at his present hostess or cousins. “The generosity and good manners of your family touches me deeply. How rare such qualities are these days, even in the best of families!”

The younger girls and their officer friends had already returned to the parlour by the time Charlotte swept Mr Collins out of the house, with a knowing nod and smile to Elizabeth as she went.

“Mr Collins proposed to me in the boot room,completely out of nowhere,” Elizabeth murmured to Jane as they watched the pair walk away towards Lucas Lodge.

“Oh dear! How strange, and how unfortunate. What can he have been thinking?”

“I cannot say, but I doubt Mr Collins will marry any of us now. At least he must leave soon, I suppose. He can have no remaining hopes, can he?”

Closing the front door, Jane took Elizabeth’s arm and strolled back along the passage slowly. “I shouldn’t think so,” she answered, shaking her head.