Page 8 of Pain Play

Terry snapped his head up, furrowing his brow as he stared down at Phil. “Wait, what? Again?”

Phil’s expression radiated amusement. “You’re like a prairie dog this morning.”

Terry gave Phil a smirk. “Ha ha. Now what about the breakfast thing?”

Phil smiled, caressing Terry’s cheek, his thumb scraping the stubble there. “Let me do this for you. Then, after your session we’ll discuss everything in depth when we go over our permanent contract.”

Permanent. Holy shit and fuck yeah.

“Okay. I can do that.”

Phil searched his face, and whatever aspect of their relationship—or perhaps Terry himself—he was musing on, seemed to fill his Master with contentment. He ran his hand along Terry’s cheek before threading his fingers through his hair. “Thank you. Taking care of you that way made me very, very happy.”

Terry smiled, Phil’s statement reminding him of how much he’d been touched by it as well. “I’m glad. I was thinking it might be one of those things you only liked to do on occasion, or was only for my benefit, and you didn’t get all that much out of the act.”

“Mmm. I get a lot out of feeding you and I’m continuing it forourbenefit.” He kept playing with Terry’s hair. Phil cupped the back of his head then drew him in for a chaste kiss. “Nice to be coddled a bit, isn’t it?”

Terry swallowed hard. He constantly struggled to let go, to allow himself the true vulnerability that Phil wanted from him. “It was, I mean it. I suppose I assumed it was merely part of a scene.”

Phil gave him a soft smile. “But you said you were sorry the scene ended, that you wanted us to be 24/7 from now on.”

Terry chuckled shakily. “Yeah. I remember saying something to that effect.”

Phil’s brow furrowed. “We don’t have to be 24/7 yet if you’re still unsure. Just hearing you say you wanted to at all let me know we’re making real progress.”

Terry grabbed the hand Phil had cupped around his nape, prying his fingers loose so he could clutch their joined hands to his chest. “No. I’m not unsure, just nervous. I’ll fight you. Even if I don’t want to, won’t mean to—I will. You’ve been a lot softer with me since what happened with Anson and those assholes. And I love that gentle side, it’s so different from what I’m used to with us, but Ineedyour rougher side too. Don’t be afraid to push me. You never were before.”

Phil nodded. “All right. I’ll keep that in mind when we go over our contract later. But will you consider this? Some of the things I demand from you are my way of showing how much I care, how important you are to me that I would spend all my time thinking about you, planning for our time together, looking forward to having those moments we share, whether it’s only you and me or we’re with others.”

“I…” Tears burned at the back of Terry’s eyes. “Thank you. Umm, I kinda have something too, something I’d like you to consider for later. Is that okay?”

Phil drew his eyebrows together. “Of course it is. We decide on everything together.” Phil squeezed his hand. “I’ll do my best to quit handling you as if you might break, and Iwillpush you. However, before we finalize the contract, you need to be certain about your hard limits as well, all right?”

“Okay, cool.” Terry cleared his throat, licking his lips as his nerves took over. “So, with all of that in mind, I’m not saying this is a hard limit, I’d just like us to discuss it.”

“What’s not a hard limit?”

Terry took a deep breath. “Me not being allowed to touch you without permission.”

“Ah.” Phil nodded. “I wondered if you’d bring that up.”

“Because you know I hate it?”

Phil adjusted his position until he had a pillow at his back. “You really hate that rule? As in, it’s awful to the point that it distracts you from anything else going on?”

Terry considered Phil’s words. What would be the best way to explain how much it aggravated him sometimes? “It’s notthatextreme, but I find it frustrating.”

“Why?”

Terry let out a sigh. “Because Ienjoytouching you. I’m an affectionate guy. I know you said it’s another way for you to master me, a way for me to demonstrate my submission, but it’s hard not to wish we didn’t have that particular restriction as a part of our dynamic.”

Phil narrowed his eyes, remaining silent as he held Terry’s gaze for what seemed like several minutes, but was probably less than one. “It goes beyond me desiring your submission. If you’re not focused on touching me, reciprocatingwithtouch, then you’re allowing me the opportunity to care for you completely—especially now that I’ve added feeding you into the mix.”

“Oh.” Terry let the idea, the concept of what Phil was saying to ruminate in his brain for a bit. “I see what you’re saying. But, it’s hard for me to grasp how I could go the rest of our lives without ever being able to touch the man I love when the impulse hits me.”

Phil grinned. “I love this. This is exactly what I’ve been wishing for, to have these types of conversations with you. We’re touching each other on a much deeper level than the physical.”

The tears that had been building only a moment before swelled again. He swallowed them down to keep from derailing what had become a special moment. “You’re right, we are.” His voice cracked. “Thank you.”How can we resolve this so we both get what we want?“What if we, I dunno, have a time out on the touching thing once in a while, or something?”